Here is one picture of us.

I just did a yahoo web page real quick to get some kind of picture here.

Like a Kid in a Candy Store!

Have you googled your blog? Do it! Do it! (if you havn't already and I am like the last person on earth to figure this out!) It is so cool! I was first on the list of sites containing the name "mawgawrita"! And that is pronounced with the Spanish influence/accent that is why I spell it that way. Then it listed my name in some of your blogs!! Digitalfishwrap was there, blu was there, Josh was there. It was so cool!!! It was like that scene in the Steve Martin movie (now I can't think of the name of the movie??) when he is living at the gas station and the new phone books arrive and his name is in it! Don't tell me you haven't seen it?? It is one of the funniest - in the genre of stupid comedy- movies of all time! The other that is my current favorite funny - in the genre of stupid comedy- is Napoleon Dynamite. I have rented that three times and probably watched it twenty!! I laugh my ass off every time!! The kids and I have it memorized.

Also I am still enjoying being alone. Ahh...The sound of silence. I even decided to pass on a trip to the coast this weekend because I just want to take advantage of my time alone. I decided the folks at work are nice enough, but I just want the quiet. And there is this guy that I just really like. It's his birthday this weekend. I wanted to do something nice for him but he is busy, then I got my feelings hurt and was a rude to him. It was presumptuous of me not to think his kids or his family might have something planned. I don't know how he tolerates me sometimes... The last two years on his bday and we weren't "dating" I gave him something, this year we are "dating" and I can't do anything for him.

With the kids gone it's not lonely either. Not yet. I miss their little smiles and hugs of course. I think the only time I have been truly lonely is when I was married. A bit ironic, I agree. I have never missed being married after getting divorced. I certainly have been single many more years than married. I am not very good at it. Marriage that is. I don't like it. I am really not sure why people do it. bleck! enough of that talk!! I just keep thinking of Goldy Hawn and what is that guys name??? Curt Russell? Not married, still together...

Somebody pour me another drink! Damn I have to get up and do that myself.

The Jerk. No baby, not you. The name of that Steve Martin movie was The Jerk.

UNO!!

One is not the lonliest number.
It is so nice to just be alone and do what ever I feel like!
Last night for dinner all I had was nachos and gin & tonic.
It was awesome!! I did not have to fix dinner for kids. I ate and drank sitting at the COMPUTER! tee-hee-hee. And left my dishes in the sink. As a matter of fact they are still there. I may never do them! lol. It feels good to be such a rebel. It gets tiring always being a good girl and doing the right thing and so fucking responsible all the time.
The nachos are gone but that is cool because tonight for dinner I think I'll just have gin & tonic!! Wheee!! I can just pour the gin into the tonic water bottle and take it to the pool!! lol. It will just look like water and we can have water bottles at the pool.
Gin and tonic is so cool.
It was the first drink I started with when I went to University of Oregon. Well that and beer. We were also the ones that invented wine coolers! We would add Quench soda, and it had to be Quench brand and from the can-nothing else tasted right-we'd mix it with the wine. It was so delicious. Then the next thing ya know some kids in another dorm named Bartles & James started bottling the stuff!

Let Freedom Ring!

Kids will be gone all week and next weekend!
I am ready for a freakin' break.
I love kids, I love my kids' friends.
Today we had my 4
teenagers friends 3
middle schoolers friend 1
sons friends 2

total 10

some were playing x box
some were playing music in the bedroom
some were on the back porch reading
one of the little ones was playing with the leap pad game
and some were on the computer playing games

pretty quiet day all in all.
i can remember times when we lived in Bend Oregon and I had this huge van and I'd take that many kids plus our two black labs to the river! Those are some of my best memories actually.

But I need a freakin' break. The stress of supporting these little eating machines tears me up inside. Starting a new job is pretty stressful but this is one I am very happy to have. I enjoy the home mortgage, escrow, real estate industry and see that there is no limit on the amount of money a person is capable of earning. You work hard and put in a lot of hours and it shows up on your paycheck. That may be at least a few years away for now but I am glad to be in the running. Not that the almightly dollar is everything and I don't have to drive a BMW (as long as my boyfriend keeps his; and the boat and the plane) but to support five people and have enough to just get by on is kind of a lot!!!



I tell myself that while the kids are gone this week I will just drink (heavily), relax and hang out with friends, but I will probably be in bed dead asleep by 8:00 every night!

Arthur Fonzarelli he is not

Then there are the new neighbors. They freak me out! They are from another country and maybe just do things differently. This is more funny (sort of) than a confession of sorts. Well these three guys move in next door recently.The first time I saw them in passing I smile and say hello. No big deal right? Well I think that anything we say to men dosn't matter cuz all they hear is, "I want to have sex with you". So we go to swim and this one especially hangs outside the gate of the pool and stands there and stares. They don't speak english. Or I look up from reading-I usually lay in a lounge chair and read while the kids swim- and he is sitting right there on the chair and I had no idea he was even there!! He never SAYS anything. Then he came up to the pool like 3-4 times the other day, walking around, staring, smoking. And the next thing I know this motorcycle pulls up right to the fence! he drove it down through the path to the pool! I am thinking "what a freak!" And it's not even a nice bike. I did talk to the manager about this.

Manna from Heaven

I received this email from daughter #2 yesterday:

dearmom i am sorry money does not grow on trees i knowyou are having trouble so thats why i am sending youthis message.i hope you a fun at work but you dontrealy have to have fun but do oyur best every day ilove you and i want you to make the best out ofanything and everything.i know brandy and brandon area pain in the butt and head and they are anoyingfreako's but there are times where i can and can notlove them.well ilove you so much love you only 11 yearold daughter lindsey.

Mama's got a brand new gig

Back to work tomorrow!
I was just getting used to laying around the pool all day working on my tan!
It's close and the pay is ok.

I like to be ignored, rejected. It's a step up from being beaten.

Ok, so I am on my pity pot. It has been a long, long time since I was beaten. The last time I told him I was not afraid of him any more. I was nearly killed, as was the unborn child inside me. He had already killed my 15 month old son. Thank God the police was just a turn away as the shots were being fired...

I googled the word "ignore" since that is how I feel so often...
In the time honored tradition of email, just ignore the question. John Dobbin

We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Marian Wright Edelman

We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love. Thich Nhat Hanh

Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. William A. Ward

We want the facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don't it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. Jessamyn West

The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. Russell Lynes

All living souls welcome whatever they are ready to cope with; all else they ignore, or pronounce to be monstrous and wrong, or deny to be possible. George Santayana

The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect, between life and death. When literature becomes too intellectual - when it begins to ignore the passions, the emotions - it becomes sterile, silly, and actually without substance. Isaac Bashevis Singer

Poetry Schmoetry

I don't think this is the right place for my peotry and thoughts, (???) but it's better than the little pieces of paper I keep doodling on and that are piling up!

Once You Plucked Me Like an Apple

It is always the same:
changed.
You have come in from the long day's work
and now, as the darkness settles around you
You remember a grove of apple trees
shining
in the moonlight,
how you shinnied up the trunk
and slid out
slowly
along the limb until you came
to the leaves, how the limb bent
just a little
as you inched your way along,
and how you filled your shirt with apples
and swung down,
dropping onto the moonlit ground
quiet as a squirrel
so the gruff farmer wouldn't wake,
and how, walking home along the road,
it all seemed like a dream
until
you polished one (me) on your sleeve
and bit in
and savored it,
your tongue startled:
so bitter,
so sweet,
so alive!

Portrait of Laura (The Broken Ground)

The opening out and out,
body yielding body:
the breaking through which the new comes,
perching above its shadow
on the piling up darkened broken old husks of itself:
bud opening to flower
opening to fruit opening
to the sweet marrow
of the seed -
taken
from what was, from
what could have been.
What is left
is what is.

Sometimes Late at Night

Sometimes late at night
I think of the color of your eyes
when you laugh

And the tilt of your head
when you listen
And I remember the warmth
of your touch
when we are close

In the darkness
I see you in my mind
and I can feel what we share
even now

I know we are special
and that we will endure.

Love Music II - Laura's song (woman to man)

Someday, somewhere, someone will appreciate my little notes I am always putting on scrap pieces of paper, right?

Love Music II - Laura's song (woman to man)

Come, freightened heart, within this port,
Bring all your bee-collected sweet,
the savor of a liberal night,
the crown of columbine, still wet,
the muse of days. Bring your delight
to fill the palate and the plate,
to rinse the lips. Unburden, set
your lilies on my chair of state.

Come, laden love, to this, my cave.
For here we soon may hide and move,
in havens play the courting dove,
and pace the newly-altered nave:
This vested place, this heart alive.
with fruit and wine and coupled play,
each self will give itself away.

Come candidly, consort with me,
and spill our pleasure for a day.
Let love delay, unhurriedly,
this passing taste - I prophesy:
Remembered cinnamon and lime
will fructify a bleaker time.

I will fight poverty with my bloody hands!! After all, tomorrow is another day!

After weeks of agonizing on whether I should move to low income housing or struggle on as I have been: We are not moving.
I will not let the stystem keep me poor, uneducated and un-challenged. I have never been one to just settle for anything. Ever. Who needs stability?!
I cannotlet myself limit my income in order to be eligable for low income housing after fighting and working so hard to break through these, and other, limits as a woman! My fucking ex-husband had all the years to improve his income because all he had to do was work. I did everything else, and worked. He could improve his skills and add to his experience, thereby increasing his income. I have not had that luxury. I have slowly worked in that general direction all the while with the extra expense and stress of four children. He has been able to pay for a sleezy rich lawyer to keep him out of court, tie up paperwork and various other evil tactics in order to not pay child support!! He has spent over $50,000 to his lawyer. Not to his children. Fucker. But we are better off without him I say!!
So to summarize, the five of us are staying in this crummy two bedroom apartment, I am still looking for work, school is almost out and the kids will take care of themselves this summer so I do not have to pay daycare. Actually I lost my daycare last week. I am $800 behind and they said I can't bring the kids back until it is paid in full. Ok. Whatever. I have been through all this before. This is the easy part. Wed June 8, day after tomorrow, is my son's birthday. Had he have lived, he would turn 17 years old...
Everything else really is easy.

Which Classic Pin-Up Poster Girl Are You?

http://quizilla.com/users/Medox/quizzes/What%20Classic%20Pin-Up%20Are%20You?/]

http://quizilla.com/cgi-bin/result/result.pl

I was Betty Page. Never heard of her...I may go back and change my answers...