i love him and he hates me.

ok, so now I am thinking I DONT want any myspace friends...

There is some pretty weird shit out there...

went to GI Joes again looking for kids PE shoes

Same rude treatment from the same rotten kids working there, complained to the manager this time-I was hot!!- and said I had been in twice this week and received the same rude treatment that I left with nothing both times and would probably not be back.
I am really starting to sound like my mother and I don't like that a bit, but dangit!! I also went to Victoria's Secret shopping yesterday and they were so kind and polite and helpful and that is how it should be. I won't be treated with disrespect by stupid kids.

I feel so old

Sometimes I really don't like young people that work in stores. The little girl in this picture is mine, so I love her.
The sun came out this weekend and we wanted to fill up our bike tires and fill up our basket balls and soccer ball. I went to GI Joes to buy a tire pump and they had all they fancy kinds that were very expensive. I just wanted the old fashioned metal kind that has the metal flaps that flip down that you stand on and you plug it in and pump. I asked two young sales people and NEITHER ONE HAD ANY IDEA WHAT I WAS TALKING ABOUT! They had never seen one. I was so mad. I just want plain ol' simple life. not all this fancy expensive stuff that is out there.
And my 12 year old asked me today, "Mommy, do you want help with your cell phone?"
It makes me depressed.
There is nothing that this millenium has to offer me so far that would actually IMPROVE THE QUALITY OF MY LIFE. Yeah it looks cool and "everyone" has one, but what the heck?? It won't improve my quality of life. I really don't see the point. All I want is the sweet smiles (like in the picture here) and hugs and kisses, tea and biscotti (I am going to learn how to make biscotti soon), and the love of my treasured friends and family (and lover)...to make me smile and consider a day really worthwhile. Amen.
oh yeah, and if I could get one or two friends at myspace...I don't know how to navigate that very well and that makes me feel old, too!

snow

snow

myspace

http://www.myspace.com/lauramawgawrita

I love a holiday!

I love a holiday! I already have about 6 boxes of chocolate cake mix for the little football cupcakes. Then today when I was at Winco on my lunch I saw the brownie mix and decided to make brownies with caramel also! AND then I saw the marshmallow cream and I think that would be good in brownies, too!! I love my own cooking! call me crazy, but there is nothing more fun than getting together with family/friends/ my lover (how i miss him) to cook and eat!!
http://www.buttersbrownies.com/?source=0D130I

Thank God I have more time!

I have so many little football cupcakes to make, we are going to set up an assembly line at home and just knock it out every night from now till it's time!
(I thought it was this weekend, silly me)

blondes really do have more fun

Made it back with my car fixed.

now i am stuck in washington cuz my car broke down.

drink more, think less. cheers.
came up for a basketball game.
we won.
cheers.

boo.

the problem you know, is really that my heart is just set on one man. and he hates me. if anyone else treated me like this i would just about punch them in the nose. so, that means the problem is with me. it is mine i just have to figure out what to do with it. continue to be ignored and rejected all the time...
nobody turns my head like he does.
he is so handsome.
and sexy!
Oh my goodness you can't believe how sexy he is and how much he turns me on.
there are other handsome men out there, but not in the same way that he is handsome. there is plenty of sex out there to be had, but why waste my time when his is the body i really want to taste and feel and be touched by. could i just freakin' get him out of my mind and move on?? I have tried, and tried and tried. For FOUR LONG years I have tried. all the others bore me bore me bore me. this one, he and i click on a level that i don't click with others...not yet anyway...what is a girl to do?get drunk and fuck his brains out that's what!!
actually i could totally skip the booze it would be nice to make love to him sober for once.
Boo.
oh yeah...i am out of town this weekend so why does it all freakin' matter i am not available anyway....
note to self: think less. drink more. cheers.

all he ever does is hate me.

I am so happy!

I went to the doctor!! I haven't been in a looong time! It felt so good to take care of myself but I gotta tell you, somethings have really changed...
I got an EKG and they are so polite and politically correct now that: 1. they asked please would I lift my own breast up so they could attach the electric things. They used to just sort of shove and push and it was really dehumanizing. (sp?)
(I got an EKG because my heart was hurting and since I have had heart medications, conditions/sugery in the past it kind of makes me nervous)
2. They were very polite to me and said I was very nice and that I did a good job! (where's my gold star sticker?) They were impressed that I had all my childrens ss#'s and knew my ex husbands home address. 3. I did not have to make a copay at the time of service, they will bill me!! I loved this part because I have no money. I used to feel like such low life scum to need to go to the doctor but not have the copay-they kind of make you feel like a loser and then attach an extra charge for "late fee" if they have to bill you. What's the point of going in an attempt to take care of yourself if all you feel is BAD? 4. I have a follow up appointment for a PAP and mamogram. I am actually looking forward to this! It is just so empowering to feel like I am doing the right thing FOR ME. woah. I only do the "right things" for my children, my mom, my brother, the teachers, my employer, my co-workers, NEVER ME. this is so cool. 5.

?

It's ok to look...Dr. Phil said so

This will be my year.
But have you ever searched match.com for single men between 35-45??? ugly. scary. freaky. gross. And they all think they are so hot. Like oh yeah mama, come and get me! NOT.

I read a research study once that interviewed 1000 not so attractive men and 1000 beautiful women. The men, even though unattractive at first glance described themselves as having good features such as big biceps, sparkling blue eyes, great shape VS. the women who said things like my eyes are too close together, my legs are too long, etc.
I really think we all should have stayed on the island of Lesbos.
NO I don't mean that, I really like men, I always sound like I am sexually confused. I don't know.
Maybe girls are more my scene. Women are so beautiful and much more interesting to look at. More interesting to talk to. There are so few men that are attractive. Maybe I am picky, but there just isn't much to see in the way of men out there. Of course they all want to be my "friend" and they take great care of me giving me rides and fixing my car...poop they just don't turn me on. They loan me their cars, they loan/give me money. They fix my car for free and pay for the parts that are needed to fix it.

he was only 26. ONLY 26!!

145%

My income has increased 45% since I started with this company in Aug of 2005. (18 months)
since my divorce/separation in January of 2003 (?) my income has increased 229%. (24 months?) Obviously I am not a math major.
I can take care of myself. I hated him so much but was so afraid to leave him because I did think I could make it on my own with four small children. Well I did and I am freakin' happy about it all!