I wonder

I wonder if I could have a really nice boyfriend that would call me and ask me out on dates if I could afford the monthly fee for online dating...?

I could kiss him forever

Just for fun Kissing by the Signs Wondering how to satisfy your lover's ardent feelings? Keep reading for insight into the passionate nature of the Signs.
Aries Your kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone. Taurus Your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on… Gemini Your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny observations.
Cancer Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go.
Leo Your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance.
Virgo Your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you've finished.
Libra You're too busy worrying about your breath to really get into your kisses.
Scorpio You skip the kiss and get to straight to … whatever comes next for you.
Sagittarius Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more. Capricorn Your kisses are intense - by: clementine_yyz

I am a Scorpio

You are most compatible with:
Pisces - absolutely superb,
Taurus - a rewarding relationship
Aries - long lasting,
Cancer - paradise,
Libra - heady stuff,
Leo - a powerful attraction.

Absolutely no chance:
Scorpio - nuclear explosion,
Gemini - volatile,
Sagittarius - can be strained,
Aquarius - up and then down.

Boy do I love RED! Who knew?!

I was sitting at the table at home on my lunch hour. In front of me was the coat closet with the door missing as the landlord is fixing it. I did not know it was broken. I find out really interesting things when I get home from work and the kids have been home all day! :) Anyway, it was full of red colored clothes! My red colored clothes. My bedroom closet is so full of clothes that I now also use our coat closet for over flow. I did not know how much red I have. There are numerous red blazers of various fabrics, a red wool winter coat, a red leather coat, a faux fur red (marroon) coat, and many red blouses, skirts and dresses. Of course I also have a lot of red purses and shoes to match. And the red bikini! it is to die for!! Sort of a James Bond 1970's string bikini with gold clasp at the bosom and hips! lol!! There are so many shades of red you know. Like these red velvet pumps I am wearing today. Aboslutley GORGEOUS!! Something like Grace Kelly or Judy Garland might have worn. But oh!! The blisters, it may be a month or so before I can wear these ones again!

Just waiting for lunch hour

Everybody at work has told me how nice I look today. I don't think I look any different than yesterday, other than I over slept and did not shower (gross!) and my black eye is healing...
I am wearing red and I think that is a good color for me and I did put on earrings after a week of naked ear lobes now that my ear infection is nearly gone...

I can't even pay attention

I am looking into low income housing again. There is a lot of places out there! I thought there was just the one that I waited two years to become available, but there is more like 150!!!! I hate it when I am the last one to know these things...
Anyway, I can earn $1,100 more every month and still be considered really poor...I wonder how I make it? Really wonder..it seems impossible but I still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellys. There are shoes on the children's feet - thank God it is summer and all I have had to buy are $1.99 flip flops!! But school starts soon and my son's toes had literally poked through the end of his tennis shoes...

We belong

Is it true we all just want to fit in, to belong, somewhere? It's not just me?
I had the best time visiting with my extended family this weeked. We had a reunion at my mom and step-dad's home on the coast to meet new babies and new spouses from across the nation.
I had a terrible emotional crying stress fit before we left because I just lost another job (temp position but it's still feels like failure) and they all have beautiful homes and seemingly happy marriages (I feel like a failure there, too) since I have no marriage and no home. Just me and the four kids in a tiny dingy 2 bdrm apt.
After the big cry on my mom's shoulder, I felt so much better!! I am not usually able to get any stress or worries or anything out at all and just carry the weight of my little world around all the time till I want to explode!
When I was with my family, I felt like I did belong, maybe for the first time ever.
There was a cousin I had fought with over money 15 yrs ago and half of those years since, we did not even speak-the anger was so deep. We have began healing the last 6 years-very slowly-and this weekend we walked and played on the beach together and watched our children walk and play on the beach, just as we had done together growing up as children. I have never felt such perfect peace.

Money isn't everything Part II

I called my temp agency and told them that I did not think I could come back and work for the boss of this job I thought I loved so much. He talks to me like I am stupid and makes me cry. I will stand up for myself to a point, but I am such a tender hearted and sensitive soul that I just crumble sometimes.

There was a message on my answering machine when I got home from work that my boss called my temp agency and told them it wasn't working out.

I am glad I had packed up my stuff when I left tonight.

The stress of not having a job makes me vomit and have diarhea.

I feel like crap

I have the ear infection from hell. I have not had hardly any sleep since last week sometime. I did go to the ER in the middle of the night yesterday or the day before and got an antibiotic and pain killers. I took so many pain killers (they weren't working) that I threw up all over, then I remembered that I think I am allergic to Vicoden. Who can remember these things when your exhausted and in extreme pain?? I missed one day of work and was an hour late this morning because I did finally fall asleep around 6 am. I'm just in a bad mood and really wanted someone to know...

Carefully. Chris.

Chris

Carefully
he
reaches
into my
soul ,

with one touch, he puts out time.

We had such a perfect night, as always. Dinner was superb!! he is an amazing cook and host. We have so much fun together... We are perfect together. I think so anyway. I love being with him.
Then he said he was sending my on my way.
Was he asking me to leave? Did I do/say something wrong?
I think I usually manage to do the wrong thing almost always...somehow. I am not sure.

A while back, he whispers something in my ear. It sounded like, "I don't want to meet your kids".
Ok, we have not met each others anything yet. Everything is just real slow for us.
A couple months has passed and now I am wondering if he whispered in my ear, "I do want to meet your kids".
I think he and I communicate more with thoughts, feelings, glances more than words...I don't think either of us are good at saying what we think or feel. But I can feel what he thinks or feels sometimes and I am nearly certain he can feel what I think or feel. Communicating on a different level of some kind.
I can be away from him for weeks or months at a time and I get these feelings of what he is thinking or feeling. It's like through the airwaves or something. It effects my thoughts and feelings. Pictures will come into my head. But of course, since we never talk about these I don't have any certainy of their existence, but I only know what I feel.
(A lot of the time I feel like he hates me, not from the airwave feelings but from how he acts.)
Sometimes I wonder if people really hate me or if they hate themselves and take it out on me...?
I definately don't want to read the book titled, "He's just not that into you".

Round and round we go, where we stop, nobody knows...

I love having an office chair that spins!! Whee!

Or maybe my tummy is dizzy and my head is reeling because I get to see the most wonderful man in the world tomorrow night...

Are you listening?

Dear God
(and Dear Aiming4nirvana)
Thank you for my health and the health of my family. Thank you for all the trials and errors that are making me stronger than steel. Thank you for a roof over our heads and food to eat and the ability to laugh and play and not take ourselves too seriously. Thank you for keeping my children alive in spite of my lousy ability to be a parent sometimes. Thanks for listening and keep up the good work!

Letters to God

I talk to God a lot, and also write him a lot of letters. I have so much in my mind that the only way I can keep from obsessing is to write about it somewhere...Then whatever it is, I can just forget about. I wish I had someone to talk more (like my friend Darice aka geeekgirl) because her and I can spend many enjoyable hours together talking about everything in great detail as we both love to do!!!!
I wish I knew how to set aside a little link on my weblog just for this purpose...

Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a boss that can talk to me without looking at my chest. He is also better than any man I ever met at controlling his urge to stare, it is nearly imperceptable. Most men it is so obvious they are trying hard not to look...it's so much easier being a woman than a man and I know we (society, women, advertisers) make it very difficult for them. It's so much easier to be a non-visual homo sapien. Amen.
ps. It is just so nice to be able to discuss WORK!! And be respected and taken seriously, you have no idea. Amen.

50% of my children

My twins are on each side, the blondes pretty easy to figure out. That is their cousin in the middle.

Flippin' Sweet!

The kids and I, and some neighbor kids, too as we never travel alone, are going to the mall today and they are going to show me the store where I can buy a t-shirt that says, "Vote for Pedro" and a button that says, "Flippin' Sweet!" I am so excited! I love that movie "Napolean Dynamite".

Money isn't everything. Who says?!!

I am loving my job.
Or more exact, I am loving having a job.
The stress of little or no income is way worse than the stress of just working full time and raising four kids alone. I think we go through the bad times to appreciate the good times. Or at least, the times that are less bad.
I love working in a beautiful building.
I love working with professionals.
I have a great oldies station to listen to again.
I love knowing there is a lot of upward growth potential.
I love it that they like me.
I love that it is challenging.
I love that I learn fast!!
I love that it is close to home. I go home every day and have lunch with the kids.
I love that I am not paying $1200 month in daycare. They should be in daycare and have been for the last three years up until this summer. They are taking care of themselves and it seems to be ok. Not perfect, but ok. For now anyway.

The assistant manager came up to me at the pool yesterday, "hey, I saw your ad on yahoo. " Gross. I better take them all off! I am not sure I can remember every site...then today they are having a potluck and telling me what good potato salad he makes...I hope they are not all thinking anything weird...I have someone I like.

Pictures!!!

This is myself and a girlfriend (who is now a GRANDMA!) and our children.
I always seem to have friends with lots of kids! I am in the grey sweatshirt at the end of the couch and she is in the black and white outfit sitting on the floor.
These are our children.
Yeah I know, it's a lot...")
I have more pics like these and as soon as I can figure out how to work my scanner I'll get them on, too! They are some of my favorite pictures in the whole world!! I know you can't wait to see them!

The Second Last Supper

So sad

Luther Vandross is dead.
If anything happens to Anita Baker...