Thursday, November 02, 2006
I was having a pretty good day until
I was having a pretty good day until
Some lane-brain had to mention that I share a birthday with Charles Manson...
I spent my entire life NOT KNOWING THIS!!!!
it was hard enough having another birthday:
I had come to terms with the fact that I am a little bit over 25, and not so young anymore. I will age gracefully, I don't need to fight it like I used to think. It really is better in a lot of ways. See how I can talk myself into these things? But Charlie Manson? It dosn't MEAN anything, of course, right?
I never read the books, or watched the TV shows, I tried to watch the interview with Gerlado Rivera a few yrs back, but the guy FREAKS ME OUT!
Now, Neil Young and I share a birthday, we may celebrate separately this year. It seems like just yesterday I wrote those exact words on my birthday last year...where does the time go, really?
I am looking forward to a really nice weekend with a special friend. Well not the whole weekend, just a little bit of it.
Some lane-brain had to mention that I share a birthday with Charles Manson...
I spent my entire life NOT KNOWING THIS!!!!
it was hard enough having another birthday:
I had come to terms with the fact that I am a little bit over 25, and not so young anymore. I will age gracefully, I don't need to fight it like I used to think. It really is better in a lot of ways. See how I can talk myself into these things? But Charlie Manson? It dosn't MEAN anything, of course, right?
I never read the books, or watched the TV shows, I tried to watch the interview with Gerlado Rivera a few yrs back, but the guy FREAKS ME OUT!
Now, Neil Young and I share a birthday, we may celebrate separately this year. It seems like just yesterday I wrote those exact words on my birthday last year...where does the time go, really?
I am looking forward to a really nice weekend with a special friend. Well not the whole weekend, just a little bit of it.
Friday, October 27, 2006
today I feel like I have the most boring life ever-not even ONE friend on MySpace.com
oh!
mine is landislaura@yahoo.com
mine is landislaura@yahoo.com
Monday, October 23, 2006
Oupa!
What a fun place to go!
The food was fantastic! The atmosphere was a kick off your shoes, get up and dance and have the best time of your life! We couldn't help but clap to the Greek beat of the music as soon as we walked in the door!! And the signing and dancing and belly dancers were to die for! They even have plate throwing! And they teach you some traditional Greek dancing. Highly recommended for food and fun!
Oh yeah, and the women there think I have great breasts, no this is not a lesbian bar. I come walking out of the bathroom and these ladies are talking about my shirt-which is a purple halter with silver glitter strings in between the bosoms (no bra!) and they not only love my shirt but agree I have great boobs! This is a compliment because of course guys are going to stare so that dosn't mean shit, but when women are breathless...that makes me feel GOOD! And one of the ladies I was actually out with, she did get a little friendly with me later, but I think she was just really drunk.
ALSO! I never mentioned that at my class reunion I got voted best breasts.
But, thinking of my breasts makes me think of the best place in the world, my truly most favorite place to be...with a tall dark handsome man on his patio bbq'ing...he is such a freakin' hot hunk of a man!! I adore him!
The food was fantastic! The atmosphere was a kick off your shoes, get up and dance and have the best time of your life! We couldn't help but clap to the Greek beat of the music as soon as we walked in the door!! And the signing and dancing and belly dancers were to die for! They even have plate throwing! And they teach you some traditional Greek dancing. Highly recommended for food and fun!
Oh yeah, and the women there think I have great breasts, no this is not a lesbian bar. I come walking out of the bathroom and these ladies are talking about my shirt-which is a purple halter with silver glitter strings in between the bosoms (no bra!) and they not only love my shirt but agree I have great boobs! This is a compliment because of course guys are going to stare so that dosn't mean shit, but when women are breathless...that makes me feel GOOD! And one of the ladies I was actually out with, she did get a little friendly with me later, but I think she was just really drunk.
ALSO! I never mentioned that at my class reunion I got voted best breasts.
But, thinking of my breasts makes me think of the best place in the world, my truly most favorite place to be...with a tall dark handsome man on his patio bbq'ing...he is such a freakin' hot hunk of a man!! I adore him!
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
When I was pregnant at 33 with twins and thought 40 was old
I used to say that I would rather be pregnant with twins (my 4th & 5th children) than turn 40. I thought 40 was really old and that pretty much nothing in the world could be worse that being 40!!
I turn 40 next month.
But at least I am not pregnant.
As soon as those little babies were born, I had THAT part of my life put behind me!
Now I just need to find some of my feeble old friends and if we can stay awake late enough, maybe we can hobble down to the nearest swinging joint and cut a rug!
I turn 40 next month.
But at least I am not pregnant.
As soon as those little babies were born, I had THAT part of my life put behind me!
Now I just need to find some of my feeble old friends and if we can stay awake late enough, maybe we can hobble down to the nearest swinging joint and cut a rug!
Monday, October 16, 2006
I am so amazed that this beautiful child is mine!
Just another snap-shot from the party at The Pittock Mansion.
Monday, October 09, 2006
Homecoming was so fun!
I did not hit this deer, I just ran over it's little ears...
We circled back around a couple of times to get a picture, because the twins were asleep and we KNEW they would want to see it. We had nearly hit a herd of elk earlier in the evening. We did see another car later down the road that had hit an elk. And we missed hitting some deer a few other times.
My 12 yr old says to me, "we are sooo poor, if this is what we do on Fri nights after homecoming."
My daughter was one of the princesses.
I was so proud of her!
Don't touch my hair!
We circled back around a couple of times to get a picture, because the twins were asleep and we KNEW they would want to see it. We had nearly hit a herd of elk earlier in the evening. We did see another car later down the road that had hit an elk. And we missed hitting some deer a few other times.
My 12 yr old says to me, "we are sooo poor, if this is what we do on Fri nights after homecoming."
My daughter was one of the princesses.
I was so proud of her!
Don't touch my hair!
Friday, October 06, 2006
Tuesday, October 03, 2006
Monday, October 02, 2006
much to my chagrin
I have given up on love, fortunately there is still SEX!http://www.sexualastrology.com/
http://www.hotscopes.com/Compatibility/Cancer_Scorpio/
http://www.miltonblack.com.au/compatibility/scorpio/cancer.htm
I have been able to remove that silly Libra, although some of my best friends are Libra, my heart-much to my chagrin-belongs elsewhere...
http://www.myjellybean.com/soulmate/scorpiocancer.html
http://www.hotscopes.com/Compatibility/Cancer_Scorpio/
http://www.miltonblack.com.au/compatibility/scorpio/cancer.htm
I have been able to remove that silly Libra, although some of my best friends are Libra, my heart-much to my chagrin-belongs elsewhere...
http://www.myjellybean.com/soulmate/scorpiocancer.html
Friday, September 01, 2006
The first party I threw $15,000
This is Pumpkin Ridge Golf Course, where we held our year end company party last Dec. This was an awesome party, too. It was all decorated with poinsettieas and lights, and we had a band and good food-our parties are all pretty much the same. It is an honor to be able to plan them. I will look for more pictures...
Monday, August 28, 2006
Here's $10,000-throw a party!
pictures from our Company picnic, this is the second party I planned. We danced to Loyd Jones-what a hot band! My new favorite.
We had yummy food, a clown and games and prizes for the children, a slide show, the fun went on and on.
I know these are just a pics of me and the mansion, I have to get more on here. It was a wonderful night and everyone had a great time!
Friday, August 11, 2006
Sunday, April 30, 2006
You're gonna make it after all
I just realized this morning, the magnitude of my job.
I am an executive in the accounting department of an international architectural firm.
cool.
I wear pretty clothes and go to meetings and lunches on the corporate account.
cool.
I am an executive in the accounting department of an international architectural firm.
cool.
I wear pretty clothes and go to meetings and lunches on the corporate account.
cool.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush, right?
Sometimes, most of the times, I wonder if I only like this new guy because he reminds me so freakin' much of the last guy i was so crazy about.
this guy looks and acts so much like him. Very tall, long legs, soft brown hair, light brown skin, very funny and smart and kind....I hate it.
I havn't seen that last guy in I dont know how long but why in the hell do I still think about him?!!!! And miss him? And want to have sex with him? Mostly I think it's because his dick was so huge and hard and SIZE REALLY DOES MATTER.
Is it wrong to be with someone only because they make you think you are with that other someone, I can pretend I am with the one I really like????
How do I separate the two?
It's not like I am even "with" this new guy. We just work together. So far.
this guy looks and acts so much like him. Very tall, long legs, soft brown hair, light brown skin, very funny and smart and kind....I hate it.
I havn't seen that last guy in I dont know how long but why in the hell do I still think about him?!!!! And miss him? And want to have sex with him? Mostly I think it's because his dick was so huge and hard and SIZE REALLY DOES MATTER.
Is it wrong to be with someone only because they make you think you are with that other someone, I can pretend I am with the one I really like????
How do I separate the two?
It's not like I am even "with" this new guy. We just work together. So far.
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
What was on TV the week you were born?
For months now I have been feeling like Mary Tyler Moore in that TV show she made long ago. The one between the black & white one with Dick VanDyke and the third series she did. I feel like throwing my hat in the air and dancing in the streets!
Must be in my blood because the show"That Girl" was on TV the week I was born! Nov 12, 1966.
My dream has been to be treated like the passionate woman that I truly am! Keeps a smile on my face all day!
Must be in my blood because the show"That Girl" was on TV the week I was born! Nov 12, 1966.
My dream has been to be treated like the passionate woman that I truly am! Keeps a smile on my face all day!
Monday, February 20, 2006
points
The new guy at work earned all his points back.
I asked him if he wanted to buy some girlscout cookies, and he did. And then he went to the other offices to get them to buy some, too. He is so cute. Really tall, brown hair, hazel eyes, really BIG hands and feet. I don't care what anyone else says, and I am too old to be polite about it, but size REALLY does matter!! :)
I asked him if he wanted to buy some girlscout cookies, and he did. And then he went to the other offices to get them to buy some, too. He is so cute. Really tall, brown hair, hazel eyes, really BIG hands and feet. I don't care what anyone else says, and I am too old to be polite about it, but size REALLY does matter!! :)
Thursday, January 05, 2006
I am a freak, no matter what you say
This is so weird
I just re-read my little diary book, over a year after I had written in it. And to be honest my feelings haven’t changed.
This is unfortunate.
This is crazy.
I haven’t spoken to that man in over 6 months, longer maybe.
I wrote in my journal how he had had me over to his place and told me “this is the last time”. How I left before anything intimate happened. How I cried and cried on the way home. “How could he do this to me?” I screamed in wretched pan. Tears streaming down my face.
But now, time has gone on. The sun managed to keep rising every day. I remembered to breathe.
And I am shocked to find, even a year, two years later, three years that I still feel the same.
Once in a while.
I think about him often
I dream of him at night
I ache for him
At times
The same old songs make me feel the same old way.
It hurts.
The kids have grown and flourished.
My job is going awesome!
The new apartment is nice. Very plain – no frills. Almost affordable. Very close to work. I was driving an hour every morning and every night. Paying $2.25 to wash and dry one load of laundry-not to mention the hauling of all that laundry. Gas was up to unbelievable heights! $2.25 a gallon or more I think it reached.
There are some nice men at work. They are so nice to me. One I like, I can tell he likes me. But he is engaged. He seems to be having doubts about getting married. He is very cute and smart. He re minds me of my uncle.
And this new guy. A real fox and so very very nice and professional.
I don’t think I have prayed enough for him to be out of my heart.
I don’t think I have prayed enough for someone new.
But #$% is so nice. And so cute. And he lives so close. And he is so engaged.
Maybe.
#$%^&
He has the best kisses. And best other stuff!!
Damnit!
I want out of this cycle.
I think of you so often
You keep dropping by my mind
at the strangest times
and in the strangest places
how nice it is
to be constantly reminded of you.
Do you think of me
Like I think of you?
Do I burn inside of you
Like you burn inside of me?
I can see the tilt of your head when you listen
And the smile in your eyes when we talk
The colors of your hair
I can feel the warmth of your hand on mine
The heat that surges through my veins when you look at me
Stand close to me
When will this sweet tender pain STOP?
Will the longing ever end?
I have prayed
Begged
Cried
For mercy.
Do I do this to myself? Have you cast a spell on me?
It’s the curl of your hair and my cheek against yours, your neck that cries out to my lips. My hand in yours, your breath in my ear
So warm
So perfect
Its when nothing else matters
How everything disappears when you walk into a room
Every time it happens that way
The very first time I saw your handsome face
And every time since. I remember exactly the very first time I ever saw you.
I remember the very last time.
And all the times in between.
How mad you got when I drew a heart around our initials on your windshield.
The many beers I’d drank that night that made me think it was cute.
You never wrote
called
sent flowers
Or ever came to see me.
I have guys that call me constantly that I don't really care about and I treat them the sameway. i am rude, i ignore them. i stand them up on dates and don't apologize. I just don't really care. Like this guy and me. he just wasn't that into me.
I just re-read my little diary book, over a year after I had written in it. And to be honest my feelings haven’t changed.
This is unfortunate.
This is crazy.
I haven’t spoken to that man in over 6 months, longer maybe.
I wrote in my journal how he had had me over to his place and told me “this is the last time”. How I left before anything intimate happened. How I cried and cried on the way home. “How could he do this to me?” I screamed in wretched pan. Tears streaming down my face.
But now, time has gone on. The sun managed to keep rising every day. I remembered to breathe.
And I am shocked to find, even a year, two years later, three years that I still feel the same.
Once in a while.
I think about him often
I dream of him at night
I ache for him
At times
The same old songs make me feel the same old way.
It hurts.
The kids have grown and flourished.
My job is going awesome!
The new apartment is nice. Very plain – no frills. Almost affordable. Very close to work. I was driving an hour every morning and every night. Paying $2.25 to wash and dry one load of laundry-not to mention the hauling of all that laundry. Gas was up to unbelievable heights! $2.25 a gallon or more I think it reached.
There are some nice men at work. They are so nice to me. One I like, I can tell he likes me. But he is engaged. He seems to be having doubts about getting married. He is very cute and smart. He re minds me of my uncle.
And this new guy. A real fox and so very very nice and professional.
I don’t think I have prayed enough for him to be out of my heart.
I don’t think I have prayed enough for someone new.
But #$% is so nice. And so cute. And he lives so close. And he is so engaged.
Maybe.
#$%^&
He has the best kisses. And best other stuff!!
Damnit!
I want out of this cycle.
I think of you so often
You keep dropping by my mind
at the strangest times
and in the strangest places
how nice it is
to be constantly reminded of you.
Do you think of me
Like I think of you?
Do I burn inside of you
Like you burn inside of me?
I can see the tilt of your head when you listen
And the smile in your eyes when we talk
The colors of your hair
I can feel the warmth of your hand on mine
The heat that surges through my veins when you look at me
Stand close to me
When will this sweet tender pain STOP?
Will the longing ever end?
I have prayed
Begged
Cried
For mercy.
Do I do this to myself? Have you cast a spell on me?
It’s the curl of your hair and my cheek against yours, your neck that cries out to my lips. My hand in yours, your breath in my ear
So warm
So perfect
Its when nothing else matters
How everything disappears when you walk into a room
Every time it happens that way
The very first time I saw your handsome face
And every time since. I remember exactly the very first time I ever saw you.
I remember the very last time.
And all the times in between.
How mad you got when I drew a heart around our initials on your windshield.
The many beers I’d drank that night that made me think it was cute.
You never wrote
called
sent flowers
Or ever came to see me.
I have guys that call me constantly that I don't really care about and I treat them the sameway. i am rude, i ignore them. i stand them up on dates and don't apologize. I just don't really care. Like this guy and me. he just wasn't that into me.
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
the new kid on the block
There is a new man working here.
He is so cute.
A little younger than me I think, but he sticks to me like glue...
He says he has "housemate" does that mean he is gay? That would explain his kind, funny and attentive behavior - along with his good looks.
He is so cute.
A little younger than me I think, but he sticks to me like glue...
He says he has "housemate" does that mean he is gay? That would explain his kind, funny and attentive behavior - along with his good looks.
Monday, December 19, 2005
For all the good things I ever did
I love my job.
My job loves me.
They want me to help open new offices.
The office in Kona will be first.
Who would say no?
they would pay my rent here, and since I just moved into an awesome new apartment I am stuck with the lease anyway.
They would pay my expenses over there.
Why does this feel weird?
Why wouldn't I go?
Why havn't I bought the plane ticket yet?
Hell Ya I am going!!!!
Oceanside CA is next, then Tampa...then who knows!!! the sky is the limit!!
My job loves me.
They want me to help open new offices.
The office in Kona will be first.
Who would say no?
they would pay my rent here, and since I just moved into an awesome new apartment I am stuck with the lease anyway.
They would pay my expenses over there.
Why does this feel weird?
Why wouldn't I go?
Why havn't I bought the plane ticket yet?
Hell Ya I am going!!!!
Oceanside CA is next, then Tampa...then who knows!!! the sky is the limit!!
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Friday, November 11, 2005
Just take the compliment and shut up!
I love a great compliment!
Our warehouse manager just told me I look smashing, or was it sensational?? It was an "S" word and probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me, at least in a very long time. And today is casual Friday, too. But he is like SO married. He is always telling me that he is "available" like he is so horny. He looks freakin' hot, like a man that loves a woman's body, really, and not just for his own pleasure, like he could drive her insane for hours and totally get off on it...oh wait!! there I go again, I have work to do!!!
Our warehouse manager just told me I look smashing, or was it sensational?? It was an "S" word and probably the nicest thing anyone has said to me, at least in a very long time. And today is casual Friday, too. But he is like SO married. He is always telling me that he is "available" like he is so horny. He looks freakin' hot, like a man that loves a woman's body, really, and not just for his own pleasure, like he could drive her insane for hours and totally get off on it...oh wait!! there I go again, I have work to do!!!
Did you make a wish?
Wow!!
I will be 29 for the 11th time tomorrow.
I really hate to admit that I am aging, but I gotta tell ya that staring down the coming years is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!!
I feel better than I think I ever have in my whole life. I feel wise, and fairly healthy even given the fact that I have put on numerous amounts of fat!! I have had five children, including twins, and even when I was pregnant with the twins I still didn't weigh this much!! It is coming off slowly though. Walking helps a lot.
I finally have a good job that I like.
I think I just feel like I am finally in control of my life. Not such a victim to other peoples freaks of nature. I make my own decisions. I suffer those consequences still, as I am not perfect.
I have more patience than anyone I know. Not that I don't lose my temper and cry and scream and yell.
I guess I just like who I am and what I have accomplished and where I am going.
I am not so lost any more.
Mostly, I thank God for antidepressants and health of myself and those that I love.
I will be 29 for the 11th time tomorrow.
I really hate to admit that I am aging, but I gotta tell ya that staring down the coming years is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be!!
I feel better than I think I ever have in my whole life. I feel wise, and fairly healthy even given the fact that I have put on numerous amounts of fat!! I have had five children, including twins, and even when I was pregnant with the twins I still didn't weigh this much!! It is coming off slowly though. Walking helps a lot.
I finally have a good job that I like.
I think I just feel like I am finally in control of my life. Not such a victim to other peoples freaks of nature. I make my own decisions. I suffer those consequences still, as I am not perfect.
I have more patience than anyone I know. Not that I don't lose my temper and cry and scream and yell.
I guess I just like who I am and what I have accomplished and where I am going.
I am not so lost any more.
Mostly, I thank God for antidepressants and health of myself and those that I love.
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Three is not a crowd!
A man that will do all the cooking, including the grocery shopping!
A man that will do all the cleaning, including all the laundry!
A man with an enormous...er, um, hands...and soft brown hair, eyes that I could drown in...oh!I do get carried away....he makes mad passionate love to me three times a day and fulfills all my fantasies.
I must make sure these three men never, ever meet...
A man that will do all the cleaning, including all the laundry!
A man with an enormous...er, um, hands...and soft brown hair, eyes that I could drown in...oh!I do get carried away....he makes mad passionate love to me three times a day and fulfills all my fantasies.
I must make sure these three men never, ever meet...
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
"Do you know why I pulled you over, Ma'm?"
I hate being called "Ma'm". The handsome young officer with the gold wedding band wanted to know, "Do you know why I pulled you over, Ma'm?"
Let's go back 12-14 months...
My head lights are out on my car. My running lights work, and the brights work but only when I hold the switch on the turn signal pulled towards me, which makes it very hard to put on my make-up and talk on my cell phone, let alone drink my coffee on the way to work.
So I totally quite driving at night; for the most part. Especially after I got a ticket last sprint for not having my 11 year old in a seat belt and that ticket was for about $150. Now that ticket I did not pay. I tried twice to attend the seatbelt diversion class but got the wrong building on the wrong night both times. So my court date came and went and I still didn't have the money to actually pay the ticket so my license was suspended. Along the line some where my insurance also expired and who has the money for that when there are so many mouths to feed and you can barely pay the rent?!
Last year for Christmas my mother gave me a new switch to fix the headlights cuz some freakin' mechanic (me and mechanics are a whole different story and it makes me tear up at how much money they have stolen from me in the name of new brakes and various other repairs they insist I need and how can I say no when I drive with kids in the car??) so this mechanic said it was a switch, well it wasn't so almost a year later I have almost never driven at night. See without a license or insurance I dont want to get pulled over!! I drive to work and I drive home.
So this kid from work says he will fix my headlights for free for me. He's going to hard connect it or something and just put in a toggle switch to run the headlights. I am trhilled!! So, today, we trade cars. I am driving his sweet little Acura with the jammin' stereo and the skull head stick shift and a V-6 with 2400 valves or something. I am at the corner to my apt. The light is green. I turn on my turn signal, it is dark, but his car has headlights that work!! I see a young man crossing against the light so I safely wait till he is half way across the street and finish my turn.
RED AND BLUE FLASHING IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.
There is a new law I recently read about that drivers now are supposed to wait till the pedestrain is completely all the way across the street to finish their turn.
fuck.
one year that i have outrun the law. till tonight.
i dig and dig through this boys car and can't find the proof of insurance.
the officer is not impressed with the skull head stick shift.
the computers are jammed and he can't verify my license. So he asks me if it is current.
I burst into tears, cuz i know that it's not and that i can't tell a lie and the last 38 years of heart ache and fighting every single day to not just jump off a bridge wells to the surface.
he is so cute, too. i mean really hot, tall, brown hair, large hands...
So now on top of all my other bills that I can't pay, I get ticket for over $1600. But he says he really cut me break. Thanks baby.
Let's go back 12-14 months...
My head lights are out on my car. My running lights work, and the brights work but only when I hold the switch on the turn signal pulled towards me, which makes it very hard to put on my make-up and talk on my cell phone, let alone drink my coffee on the way to work.
So I totally quite driving at night; for the most part. Especially after I got a ticket last sprint for not having my 11 year old in a seat belt and that ticket was for about $150. Now that ticket I did not pay. I tried twice to attend the seatbelt diversion class but got the wrong building on the wrong night both times. So my court date came and went and I still didn't have the money to actually pay the ticket so my license was suspended. Along the line some where my insurance also expired and who has the money for that when there are so many mouths to feed and you can barely pay the rent?!
Last year for Christmas my mother gave me a new switch to fix the headlights cuz some freakin' mechanic (me and mechanics are a whole different story and it makes me tear up at how much money they have stolen from me in the name of new brakes and various other repairs they insist I need and how can I say no when I drive with kids in the car??) so this mechanic said it was a switch, well it wasn't so almost a year later I have almost never driven at night. See without a license or insurance I dont want to get pulled over!! I drive to work and I drive home.
So this kid from work says he will fix my headlights for free for me. He's going to hard connect it or something and just put in a toggle switch to run the headlights. I am trhilled!! So, today, we trade cars. I am driving his sweet little Acura with the jammin' stereo and the skull head stick shift and a V-6 with 2400 valves or something. I am at the corner to my apt. The light is green. I turn on my turn signal, it is dark, but his car has headlights that work!! I see a young man crossing against the light so I safely wait till he is half way across the street and finish my turn.
RED AND BLUE FLASHING IN MY REAR VIEW MIRROR.
There is a new law I recently read about that drivers now are supposed to wait till the pedestrain is completely all the way across the street to finish their turn.
fuck.
one year that i have outrun the law. till tonight.
i dig and dig through this boys car and can't find the proof of insurance.
the officer is not impressed with the skull head stick shift.
the computers are jammed and he can't verify my license. So he asks me if it is current.
I burst into tears, cuz i know that it's not and that i can't tell a lie and the last 38 years of heart ache and fighting every single day to not just jump off a bridge wells to the surface.
he is so cute, too. i mean really hot, tall, brown hair, large hands...
So now on top of all my other bills that I can't pay, I get ticket for over $1600. But he says he really cut me break. Thanks baby.
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Sunday, October 09, 2005
The best times ever
My son really loves me. He is six years old. I came home from work the other night and he runs up to me and says so sweetly, "come here my mama and give me a great big hug!"
Then Saturday we hit the Dollar Tree Store and for just $2 you can get 106 little plastic soldiers (2 bags, one just didn't seem like enough), cowboys and Indians. We built forts out of the hamster hut and tee-pees out of crinkled up paper bags (to look like leather ya know) and strategically placed our men around the kitchen. (the only place we really have to play). I was only slightly taken aback this morning when I went to pour my first cup of coffee and there was a red plastic Indian pointing his arrow straight at my face!
We also bought some scary masks and they never, ever seem to get tired of, or un-surprised, at scaring each other!! They can ring the doorbells and sneak around corners jumping out hollering at each other and jump in fear and then laugh till they pee their pants, for what seems like hours!
We bought some spider web stuff and a bag of bugs, snakes, spiders & skeletons and hung those all up by the front door. Ours looks better than anyone elses!
All in a days work I guess.
Then Saturday we hit the Dollar Tree Store and for just $2 you can get 106 little plastic soldiers (2 bags, one just didn't seem like enough), cowboys and Indians. We built forts out of the hamster hut and tee-pees out of crinkled up paper bags (to look like leather ya know) and strategically placed our men around the kitchen. (the only place we really have to play). I was only slightly taken aback this morning when I went to pour my first cup of coffee and there was a red plastic Indian pointing his arrow straight at my face!
We also bought some scary masks and they never, ever seem to get tired of, or un-surprised, at scaring each other!! They can ring the doorbells and sneak around corners jumping out hollering at each other and jump in fear and then laugh till they pee their pants, for what seems like hours!
We bought some spider web stuff and a bag of bugs, snakes, spiders & skeletons and hung those all up by the front door. Ours looks better than anyone elses!
All in a days work I guess.
Monday, October 03, 2005
A few things I have figured out
If I scrub the tub, and put down my expensive, thick, white, chenille bath mat - the children will wash the black long-haired Australian Shepherd.
Saturday, October 01, 2005
Men are so easy to get over
Dropped my barely running car off and the repair shop this morning then walked to the beauty parlor. There is nothing like a pedicure, manicure and a massage from Sven to make my world a great place to live in again!!
It was over a year ago. We only "dated" a week. Sex with an ex for 11 months. Can't beat it. No strings.
If I could just get Sven to leave his boyfriend and come away with me!!Hell, on second thought I will take them both! I have never been a one man woman anyway!
It was over a year ago. We only "dated" a week. Sex with an ex for 11 months. Can't beat it. No strings.
If I could just get Sven to leave his boyfriend and come away with me!!Hell, on second thought I will take them both! I have never been a one man woman anyway!
Friday, September 30, 2005
how can one person be so mean to another?
the guy i liked for so long finally had the guts to tell me i was a worthless piece of shit and he didn't give a damn about me.
i knew that.
I have never been rejected so many times, in so many ways...never. ever. it's weird.
I hate men. they blame women, but it is obviously their fault.
all the time. it is their fault.
the men at work are all married but they have no problem saying they would have an affair with me. really. they wanna fuck me. they say so. they say they are married. but it never stopped them before. Its not like i havn't had married men before.
i wonder how much money that is worth. I'd like a nice new apartment and a better car. it's not like i havn't had sex for money before either.
the boss does everything he can to get me alone. I would think he was too busy running the fucking company. he wants me in his office, he wants me in his car. (red corvette)
it would be nice, if just for once, i actually mattered to someone. It is obvious I never will matter to anyone.
not in this life time.
it's too fucking painful.
I think I am better than that, but nobody else seems to.
i knew that.
I have never been rejected so many times, in so many ways...never. ever. it's weird.
I hate men. they blame women, but it is obviously their fault.
all the time. it is their fault.
the men at work are all married but they have no problem saying they would have an affair with me. really. they wanna fuck me. they say so. they say they are married. but it never stopped them before. Its not like i havn't had married men before.
i wonder how much money that is worth. I'd like a nice new apartment and a better car. it's not like i havn't had sex for money before either.
the boss does everything he can to get me alone. I would think he was too busy running the fucking company. he wants me in his office, he wants me in his car. (red corvette)
it would be nice, if just for once, i actually mattered to someone. It is obvious I never will matter to anyone.
not in this life time.
it's too fucking painful.
I think I am better than that, but nobody else seems to.
Tuesday, September 27, 2005
Positive attitude
My little six year old daughter has the most positive attitude of anyone I ever met. The little darling has a wart on the bottom of her foot. A plantar wart, right? She calls it her flower wart.
Monday, September 26, 2005
Sunday, September 18, 2005
Squirrels and Kitties and Sprinklers, Oh My!
I believe everyone in our life is a gift to teach us something.
Most of it I havn't figured out yet.
I do know now that chasing squirrels and kitties and running through sprinklers at 5:45 am everymorning really can be a lot of fun!!
Thanks Katie Dog.
Most of it I havn't figured out yet.
I do know now that chasing squirrels and kitties and running through sprinklers at 5:45 am everymorning really can be a lot of fun!!
Thanks Katie Dog.
Thursday, September 08, 2005
School daze
Everyone is off to a great start at school!
Well, except for Brandon. He decided the first day that he was going to quite.
"It takes ALL day, Mommy!"
He is used to kindergarten and their half days and of course playing all day during the summer. Boys just have too many other important things to do like playing astronauts and building roads in the dirt for their trucks.
Then he said, "the teacher said it was a game, but I KNOW it was math!"
Too funny.
He will be fine, not to worry.
Brandy is just too cute with her one front tooth missing and her little blonde pigtails bouncing around. The first one up, she is anxious to visit with her new friends. I mean, anxious to learn!
Lindsey, very shy, is making new friends at her new middle school. There are a couple of girls from her last school so that helps. And thank God!! Boys are still gross.
Haley is signing up for all the sports she can!! She is a real go getter and I know her grades will be good again this year.
We love you all!
Laura and kids
PS I have been offered a permanent position at the job I am currently temping at. It is a great company and I can go into a lot of different areas. I really just want to stay somewhere and retire! retiring is 30 years away, but looking for work sucks!
here is the website:
www.aluminumrailing.com
Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.
Well, except for Brandon. He decided the first day that he was going to quite.
"It takes ALL day, Mommy!"
He is used to kindergarten and their half days and of course playing all day during the summer. Boys just have too many other important things to do like playing astronauts and building roads in the dirt for their trucks.
Then he said, "the teacher said it was a game, but I KNOW it was math!"
Too funny.
He will be fine, not to worry.
Brandy is just too cute with her one front tooth missing and her little blonde pigtails bouncing around. The first one up, she is anxious to visit with her new friends. I mean, anxious to learn!
Lindsey, very shy, is making new friends at her new middle school. There are a couple of girls from her last school so that helps. And thank God!! Boys are still gross.
Haley is signing up for all the sports she can!! She is a real go getter and I know her grades will be good again this year.
We love you all!
Laura and kids
PS I have been offered a permanent position at the job I am currently temping at. It is a great company and I can go into a lot of different areas. I really just want to stay somewhere and retire! retiring is 30 years away, but looking for work sucks!
here is the website:
www.aluminumrailing.com
Click here to donate to the Hurricane Katrina relief effort.
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Back to school!
My six year old son decided after his first day that he wants to quit.
He says to me, "It takes all day, mom!"
He says to me, "It takes all day, mom!"
Monday, September 05, 2005
Take the quiz: "Which'>http://www.zenhex.com/quiz.php?id=2963">"Which Zodiac Sign Would You Be Most Compatible With?"
Libra
You may be able to have a good relationship with a Libra!
Libra
You may be able to have a good relationship with a Libra!
Sunday, September 04, 2005
Who am I kidding?
I have learned as I have grown older that there are very few people I truly enjoy spending time with.
I don't want to take time away from my kids or family except for one very special person. And a few of my best close girl friends, which number totals about 3.
It's nice to know myself this way. Dating around? What's the point? Waste of time.
I don't want to take time away from my kids or family except for one very special person. And a few of my best close girl friends, which number totals about 3.
It's nice to know myself this way. Dating around? What's the point? Waste of time.
Monday, August 29, 2005
Monday, August 22, 2005
I'm not saying a word
I am not going to jinx myself this time and say that I love my job.
Or that I love the building.
Or that the people are really nice.
Or that I love the building.
Or that the people are really nice.
Or that there is fresh flowers every Monday at my desk.
That architecture can be fun and interesting and that I can learn anything.
I have mostly worked for CPA's, escrow offices and mortgage companies. I never would have applied at an architectural firm. I dont know anything about that kind of thing. But I am an excellent support staff person.
Working for temp agencies has given me the opportunity to build my self confidence in my skills, and meet a lot of really neat people.
But I am not going to say anything because I don't want to jinx it...
That architecture can be fun and interesting and that I can learn anything.
I have mostly worked for CPA's, escrow offices and mortgage companies. I never would have applied at an architectural firm. I dont know anything about that kind of thing. But I am an excellent support staff person.
Working for temp agencies has given me the opportunity to build my self confidence in my skills, and meet a lot of really neat people.
But I am not going to say anything because I don't want to jinx it...
Thursday, August 18, 2005
He really does hate me
good thing I work in an architectural firm with lots of really good smelling rich men!
good thing I always have lots of invitations for dates.
good thing I know when it is time to start saying yes again...
good thing I did not cry this time...
He really does hate me.
I am such an idiot. No I am not. He has always been giving me the "Come here, go away" routine...I never know which dance we are doing. If I don't write, he says I am giving HIM the could shoulder...
good thing I always have lots of invitations for dates.
good thing I know when it is time to start saying yes again...
good thing I did not cry this time...
He really does hate me.
I am such an idiot. No I am not. He has always been giving me the "Come here, go away" routine...I never know which dance we are doing. If I don't write, he says I am giving HIM the could shoulder...
Sunday, August 14, 2005
I take pictures with this
It is really old, but it was cheap on Ebay and I am all about saving money!! It makes me feel good. I don't care if all the other mommies and daddies have their shiny fancy new digital cameras. We both get pictures.
Saturday, August 13, 2005
Our house is a very, very fine house...
or at least it used to be.We ended up in the neighborhood on our way somewhere else and wanted to see it.
This is one of the places I used to live. It had a great laundry room with lots of shelves, a fountain and pond with fish, a real wood play house with glass windows, four bedrooms, two master baths plus two full baths, a formal living room with a huge fire place and bay window, a family room, cobalt blue tile kitchen counters, a pantry, a small office space in the kitchen, a full office with lots of shelves and glass doors, decking on two sides of the house, six foot wood privacy fence, underground sprinklers with a timer...what else? Two car garage with lots of storage, I had my weights and room to dance...I took tap, jazz and ballet lessons from 1st grade to my first year in college, I miss it.
I was buying it from my dad (he bought it so to "help me out") then he started abusing my kids...it wasn't worth the price of his freakin' behavior problems. He did the same to me and my brother and has over the years still to my kids. He has a furious temper and some sexual problems...Some things never change...
The Engagement Party
Today we were supposed to go to an engagement party for a friend of mine. BBq in a local park - bring the kids- my perfect scene!The older two girls got sick and couldn't go. So just the twins and I went. We left late, then got lost. I always take the scenic route everywhere I go!! We never did find the right party. It was a huge park and there were lots of birthdays, reunions, and even a wedding but we never found our friends.We did however have a really nice time anyway. Surprisingly. I am not one to stop and smell the flowers, but check these pictures out.
dancing in the park
We walked around this park for nearly an hour looking for our friends. It had a paved path that made a large loop around the outside and a few trails through the middle. They found this big "thing" and of course it had to be climbed on. Anyone can tell me what it is?? The best guess gets a prize!! There was also live music so they danced a little, too. On top of this statue thing of course!!
wibble wobble, wibble wobble to and fro
We found some ducks and another person there gave the kids some bread. I love the pictures of my twins together and it was a rare treat to be and see just the two of them. We usually travel in a group and they rarely interact with just each other or just them and me.
I think this was supposed to be the "wading pond" and we had brought our swim gear just in case but it was green and thick and smelled bad. My son points way out in the middle and says, "mom, there is a fish!" I did not blurt out what I was thinking, which was, "Is it floating?"
Friday, August 12, 2005
THE BIG RACE!!
I have not had so much fun in I don't know how long! It was so exciting. I think instead of deby race it should be called demolition derby. The cars never flipped over, but the boys flew out of them, faces slid across pavement, cars crashed, they flipped off the starting ramp...the fun went on and on!! And this was 6-10 yr old boys. Some of them quit and didn't even want to race any more, but my son never gave up. His first time up he flipped off the ramp!!! There is a picture of him running into the side and what it dosnt show is him and his car hanging off the edge. I was terrified. Of what? broken bones and blood, my mom is the nurse and I am the accountant - there is a reason for that I CAN'T STAND THE SIGHT OF BLOOD OR ANYONE IN PAIN. Especially my children. But I held my breath and didn't move (I cant treat him like a baby in front of the guys ) and the other dads were there to pull him down and tighten his bolts and nobody freaked out (they're guys - the more ferocious the race the better, right?!) And it truly was no big deal. I had asked him in the car on the drive there, "Son, are you afraid?" He responded, "Of what Mommy?" "Nothing" I lied. So after the failed first attempt he sat down by me for a minute, had a drink of water and caught his breath. I asked if he was going back in and he said YES! ok, not quite that boldy but by the time the 7 races were over and he watched boys drop out like flys and he won 3 of seven races and ate two big plates of food he said it was a good time all in all!!
Sunday, August 07, 2005
And people in hell want ice water
All I really wanted was a peaceful life.
Tonight we ended up with a dog at our house. My daughter comes back from the park saying the owner of this dog said it would be euphanized and they did not want it. This child is a dog magnet. Ever since she was about 8 we have had a nearly constant stream of "stray" dogs show up. I overheard her say once to a friend, "I had to chase this dog two blocks!"
She carries this dog home to show me and since the kids have been working and saved $158 of the $200 to pay for the pet deposit, I thought we might be able to keep it. It was such a cute little girl about six months old, black with some white spots. The big brown eyes. It had flea bites all over it and the gums were bad. It was head shy and obviously neglected and abused. We went to talk to the landlord and they said it was a pitbull and we could not keep it. So I called the police and they did not want to come get it tonight but I told them the kids babysit themselves and I did not want the dog here when I left for work in the morning.
In the couple of hours that passed that we had the dog it already started growling and acting weird. I did not trust it. My daughter cried and cried and I told her she was doing the right thing and was saving it's life by having the police take it. That she can use the money to pick a dog she can feel safe with and pick out herself.
Well after all the tears and one pee-pee on the floor and the trip and fall of two skined knees and a possible sprained ankle from walking the dog in the dark and tripping over little sister who would not get out of the way, I think I am finally off to bed...morning comes way to early at my house...
Tonight we ended up with a dog at our house. My daughter comes back from the park saying the owner of this dog said it would be euphanized and they did not want it. This child is a dog magnet. Ever since she was about 8 we have had a nearly constant stream of "stray" dogs show up. I overheard her say once to a friend, "I had to chase this dog two blocks!"
She carries this dog home to show me and since the kids have been working and saved $158 of the $200 to pay for the pet deposit, I thought we might be able to keep it. It was such a cute little girl about six months old, black with some white spots. The big brown eyes. It had flea bites all over it and the gums were bad. It was head shy and obviously neglected and abused. We went to talk to the landlord and they said it was a pitbull and we could not keep it. So I called the police and they did not want to come get it tonight but I told them the kids babysit themselves and I did not want the dog here when I left for work in the morning.
In the couple of hours that passed that we had the dog it already started growling and acting weird. I did not trust it. My daughter cried and cried and I told her she was doing the right thing and was saving it's life by having the police take it. That she can use the money to pick a dog she can feel safe with and pick out herself.
Well after all the tears and one pee-pee on the floor and the trip and fall of two skined knees and a possible sprained ankle from walking the dog in the dark and tripping over little sister who would not get out of the way, I think I am finally off to bed...morning comes way to early at my house...
Friday, August 05, 2005
Thank God for antidepressants
Those of you that know me, know that I have already had one child that was murdered.
Today I nearly thought I was going to lose another.
I got a call at work that my 14 yr old teenage daughter
let me start again
I call home and my 11 yr old daughter told me that the manager of our apt complex, who is also the father of the boy my daughter has been forbidden to see because they have been sneaking in the middle of the night to meet, well the manager told my 11 year old to lock the doors and not let anyone in because said boy has just left the house with a loaded rifle. So my 11 yr old and the six year old twins are home alone since said teenage daughter upon hearing this, runs out of the house to help find the boy...
The father had already called the police who found them at the park. The boy was taken into custody and taken somewhere...? I called the police and they said he is somewhere he can get help. I said I don't freakin' care about him , it is my teenage daughter I am worried about!!! Tell me what happened!!!!
I had already shipped her out of town last week to grandma's but she called crying she wanted to come home, but that she would stay at a friends so she was not around said boy, but instead she continued to sneak out at night and was caught by boys father (my apt manager) and boy got in trouble with dad. I found this out today.
Daughter is at friends house till I can figure out where to send her next. She is putting too many people in danger...Herself first. I am afraid he will come looking for her again. I want to leave.
There is nothing so scarry as a man with nothing to lose.
Today I nearly thought I was going to lose another.
I got a call at work that my 14 yr old teenage daughter
let me start again
I call home and my 11 yr old daughter told me that the manager of our apt complex, who is also the father of the boy my daughter has been forbidden to see because they have been sneaking in the middle of the night to meet, well the manager told my 11 year old to lock the doors and not let anyone in because said boy has just left the house with a loaded rifle. So my 11 yr old and the six year old twins are home alone since said teenage daughter upon hearing this, runs out of the house to help find the boy...
The father had already called the police who found them at the park. The boy was taken into custody and taken somewhere...? I called the police and they said he is somewhere he can get help. I said I don't freakin' care about him , it is my teenage daughter I am worried about!!! Tell me what happened!!!!
I had already shipped her out of town last week to grandma's but she called crying she wanted to come home, but that she would stay at a friends so she was not around said boy, but instead she continued to sneak out at night and was caught by boys father (my apt manager) and boy got in trouble with dad. I found this out today.
Daughter is at friends house till I can figure out where to send her next. She is putting too many people in danger...Herself first. I am afraid he will come looking for her again. I want to leave.
There is nothing so scarry as a man with nothing to lose.
Thursday, August 04, 2005
Where am I from?
I have printed this out in order to work on it. It has been weeks and I really can't bring much to my mind from back then. I think it is beautiful when finished. I just can't seem to get started!
For the WHERE I'M FROM Format: Click the READ MORE link below:
I am from _______ (specific ordinary item), from _______ (product name) and _______.
I am from the _______ (home description... adjective, adjective, sensory detail).
I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item), the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)
I am from _______ (family tradition) and _______ (family trait), from _______ (name of family member) and _______ (another family name) and _______ (family name).
I am from the _______ (description of family tendency) and _______ (another one).
From _______ (something you were told as a child) and _______ (another).
I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it). Further description.
I'm from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry), _______ (two food items representing your family).
From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail), the _______ (another detail, and the _______ (another detail about another family member).
I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).
For the WHERE I'M FROM Format: Click the READ MORE link below:
I am from _______ (specific ordinary item), from _______ (product name) and _______.
I am from the _______ (home description... adjective, adjective, sensory detail).
I am from the _______ (plant, flower, natural item), the _______ (plant, flower, natural detail)
I am from _______ (family tradition) and _______ (family trait), from _______ (name of family member) and _______ (another family name) and _______ (family name).
I am from the _______ (description of family tendency) and _______ (another one).
From _______ (something you were told as a child) and _______ (another).
I am from (representation of religion, or lack of it). Further description.
I'm from _______ (place of birth and family ancestry), _______ (two food items representing your family).
From the _______ (specific family story about a specific person and detail), the _______ (another detail, and the _______ (another detail about another family member).
I am from _______ (location of family pictures, mementos, archives and several more lines indicating their worth).
Wednesday, August 03, 2005
Mamma's got a brand new gig...Yes again
Started another "new job" today. Temping has its pluses but I am sure looking forward to just staying at one job for a while. Like the next 30 years. But I am learning so much going from job to job. Mostly about people. Some seem nice, but are not. Some are not nice and arn't afraid to show it. That I can deal with. The building is gorgeous, it was built in Nov and they have state of the art up to the minute everything!! I even have my own bathroom!!! That for me, is the most exciting thing right now!!! I hate public bathrooms!!!! I don't like sharing a bathroom with my kids! Actually I think the kids' bathroom is worse than public. No, that's not true but it sounded funny!! so keep your fingers crossed, say your prayers, pray to Alah or anyone you can think of that this mama gets a permanent full time gig!
Sunday, July 31, 2005
I wonder
I wonder if I could have a really nice boyfriend that would call me and ask me out on dates if I could afford the monthly fee for online dating...?
Saturday, July 30, 2005
I could kiss him forever
Just for fun Kissing by the Signs Wondering how to satisfy your lover's ardent feelings? Keep reading for insight into the passionate nature of the Signs.
Aries Your kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone. Taurus Your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on… Gemini Your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny observations.
Cancer Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go.
Leo Your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance.
Virgo Your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you've finished.
Libra You're too busy worrying about your breath to really get into your kisses.
Scorpio You skip the kiss and get to straight to … whatever comes next for you.
Sagittarius Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more. Capricorn Your kisses are intense - by: clementine_yyz
Aries Your kisses are quick and passionate fits of lustful pleasure that are there and then gone. Taurus Your kisses linger; they are deliberate, heartfelt and they can go on and on and on… Gemini Your kisses are interrupted by spasms of giggles, smiles and funny observations.
Cancer Your kisses are warm and tender, and you never want to let them go.
Leo Your kisses are wild and uninhibited, biting and clawing; you expect applause for your performance.
Virgo Your kisses are so subtle and tidy, your lover only notices them once you've finished.
Libra You're too busy worrying about your breath to really get into your kisses.
Scorpio You skip the kiss and get to straight to … whatever comes next for you.
Sagittarius Your kisses are surprising, spontaneous affairs that leave the kissed wanting more. Capricorn Your kisses are intense - by: clementine_yyz
Friday, July 29, 2005
I am a Scorpio
You are most compatible with:
Pisces - absolutely superb,
Taurus - a rewarding relationship
Aries - long lasting,
Cancer - paradise,
Libra - heady stuff,
Leo - a powerful attraction.
Absolutely no chance:
Scorpio - nuclear explosion,
Gemini - volatile,
Sagittarius - can be strained,
Aquarius - up and then down.
You are most compatible with:
Pisces - absolutely superb,
Taurus - a rewarding relationship
Aries - long lasting,
Cancer - paradise,
Libra - heady stuff,
Leo - a powerful attraction.
Absolutely no chance:
Scorpio - nuclear explosion,
Gemini - volatile,
Sagittarius - can be strained,
Aquarius - up and then down.
Thursday, July 28, 2005
Boy do I love RED! Who knew?!
I was sitting at the table at home on my lunch hour. In front of me was the coat closet with the door missing as the landlord is fixing it. I did not know it was broken. I find out really interesting things when I get home from work and the kids have been home all day! :) Anyway, it was full of red colored clothes! My red colored clothes. My bedroom closet is so full of clothes that I now also use our coat closet for over flow. I did not know how much red I have. There are numerous red blazers of various fabrics, a red wool winter coat, a red leather coat, a faux fur red (marroon) coat, and many red blouses, skirts and dresses. Of course I also have a lot of red purses and shoes to match. And the red bikini! it is to die for!! Sort of a James Bond 1970's string bikini with gold clasp at the bosom and hips! lol!! There are so many shades of red you know. Like these red velvet pumps I am wearing today. Aboslutley GORGEOUS!! Something like Grace Kelly or Judy Garland might have worn. But oh!! The blisters, it may be a month or so before I can wear these ones again!
Just waiting for lunch hour
Everybody at work has told me how nice I look today. I don't think I look any different than yesterday, other than I over slept and did not shower (gross!) and my black eye is healing...
I am wearing red and I think that is a good color for me and I did put on earrings after a week of naked ear lobes now that my ear infection is nearly gone...
I am wearing red and I think that is a good color for me and I did put on earrings after a week of naked ear lobes now that my ear infection is nearly gone...
Wednesday, July 27, 2005
I can't even pay attention
I am looking into low income housing again. There is a lot of places out there! I thought there was just the one that I waited two years to become available, but there is more like 150!!!! I hate it when I am the last one to know these things...
Anyway, I can earn $1,100 more every month and still be considered really poor...I wonder how I make it? Really wonder..it seems impossible but I still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellys. There are shoes on the children's feet - thank God it is summer and all I have had to buy are $1.99 flip flops!! But school starts soon and my son's toes had literally poked through the end of his tennis shoes...
Anyway, I can earn $1,100 more every month and still be considered really poor...I wonder how I make it? Really wonder..it seems impossible but I still have a roof over our heads and food in our bellys. There are shoes on the children's feet - thank God it is summer and all I have had to buy are $1.99 flip flops!! But school starts soon and my son's toes had literally poked through the end of his tennis shoes...
Monday, July 25, 2005
We belong
Is it true we all just want to fit in, to belong, somewhere? It's not just me?
I had the best time visiting with my extended family this weeked. We had a reunion at my mom and step-dad's home on the coast to meet new babies and new spouses from across the nation.
I had a terrible emotional crying stress fit before we left because I just lost another job (temp position but it's still feels like failure) and they all have beautiful homes and seemingly happy marriages (I feel like a failure there, too) since I have no marriage and no home. Just me and the four kids in a tiny dingy 2 bdrm apt.
After the big cry on my mom's shoulder, I felt so much better!! I am not usually able to get any stress or worries or anything out at all and just carry the weight of my little world around all the time till I want to explode!
When I was with my family, I felt like I did belong, maybe for the first time ever.
There was a cousin I had fought with over money 15 yrs ago and half of those years since, we did not even speak-the anger was so deep. We have began healing the last 6 years-very slowly-and this weekend we walked and played on the beach together and watched our children walk and play on the beach, just as we had done together growing up as children. I have never felt such perfect peace.
I had the best time visiting with my extended family this weeked. We had a reunion at my mom and step-dad's home on the coast to meet new babies and new spouses from across the nation.
I had a terrible emotional crying stress fit before we left because I just lost another job (temp position but it's still feels like failure) and they all have beautiful homes and seemingly happy marriages (I feel like a failure there, too) since I have no marriage and no home. Just me and the four kids in a tiny dingy 2 bdrm apt.
After the big cry on my mom's shoulder, I felt so much better!! I am not usually able to get any stress or worries or anything out at all and just carry the weight of my little world around all the time till I want to explode!
When I was with my family, I felt like I did belong, maybe for the first time ever.
There was a cousin I had fought with over money 15 yrs ago and half of those years since, we did not even speak-the anger was so deep. We have began healing the last 6 years-very slowly-and this weekend we walked and played on the beach together and watched our children walk and play on the beach, just as we had done together growing up as children. I have never felt such perfect peace.
Thursday, July 21, 2005
Money isn't everything Part II
I called my temp agency and told them that I did not think I could come back and work for the boss of this job I thought I loved so much. He talks to me like I am stupid and makes me cry. I will stand up for myself to a point, but I am such a tender hearted and sensitive soul that I just crumble sometimes.
There was a message on my answering machine when I got home from work that my boss called my temp agency and told them it wasn't working out.
I am glad I had packed up my stuff when I left tonight.
The stress of not having a job makes me vomit and have diarhea.
There was a message on my answering machine when I got home from work that my boss called my temp agency and told them it wasn't working out.
I am glad I had packed up my stuff when I left tonight.
The stress of not having a job makes me vomit and have diarhea.
I feel like crap
I have the ear infection from hell. I have not had hardly any sleep since last week sometime. I did go to the ER in the middle of the night yesterday or the day before and got an antibiotic and pain killers. I took so many pain killers (they weren't working) that I threw up all over, then I remembered that I think I am allergic to Vicoden. Who can remember these things when your exhausted and in extreme pain?? I missed one day of work and was an hour late this morning because I did finally fall asleep around 6 am. I'm just in a bad mood and really wanted someone to know...
Friday, July 15, 2005
Carefully. Chris.
Chris
Carefully
he
reaches
into my
soul ,
with one touch, he puts out time.
We had such a perfect night, as always. Dinner was superb!! he is an amazing cook and host. We have so much fun together... We are perfect together. I think so anyway. I love being with him.
Then he said he was sending my on my way.
Was he asking me to leave? Did I do/say something wrong?
I think I usually manage to do the wrong thing almost always...somehow. I am not sure.
A while back, he whispers something in my ear. It sounded like, "I don't want to meet your kids".
Ok, we have not met each others anything yet. Everything is just real slow for us.
A couple months has passed and now I am wondering if he whispered in my ear, "I do want to meet your kids".
I think he and I communicate more with thoughts, feelings, glances more than words...I don't think either of us are good at saying what we think or feel. But I can feel what he thinks or feels sometimes and I am nearly certain he can feel what I think or feel. Communicating on a different level of some kind.
I can be away from him for weeks or months at a time and I get these feelings of what he is thinking or feeling. It's like through the airwaves or something. It effects my thoughts and feelings. Pictures will come into my head. But of course, since we never talk about these I don't have any certainy of their existence, but I only know what I feel.
(A lot of the time I feel like he hates me, not from the airwave feelings but from how he acts.)
Sometimes I wonder if people really hate me or if they hate themselves and take it out on me...?
I definately don't want to read the book titled, "He's just not that into you".
Carefully
he
reaches
into my
soul ,
with one touch, he puts out time.
We had such a perfect night, as always. Dinner was superb!! he is an amazing cook and host. We have so much fun together... We are perfect together. I think so anyway. I love being with him.
Then he said he was sending my on my way.
Was he asking me to leave? Did I do/say something wrong?
I think I usually manage to do the wrong thing almost always...somehow. I am not sure.
A while back, he whispers something in my ear. It sounded like, "I don't want to meet your kids".
Ok, we have not met each others anything yet. Everything is just real slow for us.
A couple months has passed and now I am wondering if he whispered in my ear, "I do want to meet your kids".
I think he and I communicate more with thoughts, feelings, glances more than words...I don't think either of us are good at saying what we think or feel. But I can feel what he thinks or feels sometimes and I am nearly certain he can feel what I think or feel. Communicating on a different level of some kind.
I can be away from him for weeks or months at a time and I get these feelings of what he is thinking or feeling. It's like through the airwaves or something. It effects my thoughts and feelings. Pictures will come into my head. But of course, since we never talk about these I don't have any certainy of their existence, but I only know what I feel.
(A lot of the time I feel like he hates me, not from the airwave feelings but from how he acts.)
Sometimes I wonder if people really hate me or if they hate themselves and take it out on me...?
I definately don't want to read the book titled, "He's just not that into you".
Thursday, July 14, 2005
Round and round we go, where we stop, nobody knows...
I love having an office chair that spins!! Whee!
Or maybe my tummy is dizzy and my head is reeling because I get to see the most wonderful man in the world tomorrow night...
Wednesday, July 13, 2005
Are you listening?
Dear God
(and Dear Aiming4nirvana)
Thank you for my health and the health of my family. Thank you for all the trials and errors that are making me stronger than steel. Thank you for a roof over our heads and food to eat and the ability to laugh and play and not take ourselves too seriously. Thank you for keeping my children alive in spite of my lousy ability to be a parent sometimes. Thanks for listening and keep up the good work!
(and Dear Aiming4nirvana)
Thank you for my health and the health of my family. Thank you for all the trials and errors that are making me stronger than steel. Thank you for a roof over our heads and food to eat and the ability to laugh and play and not take ourselves too seriously. Thank you for keeping my children alive in spite of my lousy ability to be a parent sometimes. Thanks for listening and keep up the good work!
Monday, July 11, 2005
Letters to God
I talk to God a lot, and also write him a lot of letters. I have so much in my mind that the only way I can keep from obsessing is to write about it somewhere...Then whatever it is, I can just forget about. I wish I had someone to talk more (like my friend Darice aka geeekgirl) because her and I can spend many enjoyable hours together talking about everything in great detail as we both love to do!!!!
I wish I knew how to set aside a little link on my weblog just for this purpose...
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a boss that can talk to me without looking at my chest. He is also better than any man I ever met at controlling his urge to stare, it is nearly imperceptable. Most men it is so obvious they are trying hard not to look...it's so much easier being a woman than a man and I know we (society, women, advertisers) make it very difficult for them. It's so much easier to be a non-visual homo sapien. Amen.
ps. It is just so nice to be able to discuss WORK!! And be respected and taken seriously, you have no idea. Amen.
I wish I knew how to set aside a little link on my weblog just for this purpose...
Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a boss that can talk to me without looking at my chest. He is also better than any man I ever met at controlling his urge to stare, it is nearly imperceptable. Most men it is so obvious they are trying hard not to look...it's so much easier being a woman than a man and I know we (society, women, advertisers) make it very difficult for them. It's so much easier to be a non-visual homo sapien. Amen.
ps. It is just so nice to be able to discuss WORK!! And be respected and taken seriously, you have no idea. Amen.
Saturday, July 09, 2005
50% of my children
My twins are on each side, the blondes pretty easy to figure out. That is their cousin in the middle.
Flippin' Sweet!
Friday, July 08, 2005
Money isn't everything. Who says?!!
I am loving my job.
Or more exact, I am loving having a job.
The stress of little or no income is way worse than the stress of just working full time and raising four kids alone. I think we go through the bad times to appreciate the good times. Or at least, the times that are less bad.
I love working in a beautiful building.
I love working with professionals.
I have a great oldies station to listen to again.
I love knowing there is a lot of upward growth potential.
I love it that they like me.
I love that it is challenging.
I love that I learn fast!!
I love that it is close to home. I go home every day and have lunch with the kids.
I love that I am not paying $1200 month in daycare. They should be in daycare and have been for the last three years up until this summer. They are taking care of themselves and it seems to be ok. Not perfect, but ok. For now anyway.
Or more exact, I am loving having a job.
The stress of little or no income is way worse than the stress of just working full time and raising four kids alone. I think we go through the bad times to appreciate the good times. Or at least, the times that are less bad.
I love working in a beautiful building.
I love working with professionals.
I have a great oldies station to listen to again.
I love knowing there is a lot of upward growth potential.
I love it that they like me.
I love that it is challenging.
I love that I learn fast!!
I love that it is close to home. I go home every day and have lunch with the kids.
I love that I am not paying $1200 month in daycare. They should be in daycare and have been for the last three years up until this summer. They are taking care of themselves and it seems to be ok. Not perfect, but ok. For now anyway.
Monday, July 04, 2005
The assistant manager came up to me at the pool yesterday, "hey, I saw your ad on yahoo. " Gross. I better take them all off! I am not sure I can remember every site...then today they are having a potluck and telling me what good potato salad he makes...I hope they are not all thinking anything weird...I have someone I like.
Sunday, July 03, 2005
Pictures!!!
This is myself and a girlfriend (who is now a GRANDMA!) and our children.
I always seem to have friends with lots of kids! I am in the grey sweatshirt at the end of the couch and she is in the black and white outfit sitting on the floor.
These are our children.
Yeah I know, it's a lot...")
I have more pics like these and as soon as I can figure out how to work my scanner I'll get them on, too! They are some of my favorite pictures in the whole world!! I know you can't wait to see them!
Friday, July 01, 2005
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Like a Kid in a Candy Store!
Have you googled your blog? Do it! Do it! (if you havn't already and I am like the last person on earth to figure this out!) It is so cool! I was first on the list of sites containing the name "mawgawrita"! And that is pronounced with the Spanish influence/accent that is why I spell it that way. Then it listed my name in some of your blogs!! Digitalfishwrap was there, blu was there, Josh was there. It was so cool!!! It was like that scene in the Steve Martin movie (now I can't think of the name of the movie??) when he is living at the gas station and the new phone books arrive and his name is in it! Don't tell me you haven't seen it?? It is one of the funniest - in the genre of stupid comedy- movies of all time! The other that is my current favorite funny - in the genre of stupid comedy- is Napoleon Dynamite. I have rented that three times and probably watched it twenty!! I laugh my ass off every time!! The kids and I have it memorized.
Also I am still enjoying being alone. Ahh...The sound of silence. I even decided to pass on a trip to the coast this weekend because I just want to take advantage of my time alone. I decided the folks at work are nice enough, but I just want the quiet. And there is this guy that I just really like. It's his birthday this weekend. I wanted to do something nice for him but he is busy, then I got my feelings hurt and was a rude to him. It was presumptuous of me not to think his kids or his family might have something planned. I don't know how he tolerates me sometimes... The last two years on his bday and we weren't "dating" I gave him something, this year we are "dating" and I can't do anything for him.
With the kids gone it's not lonely either. Not yet. I miss their little smiles and hugs of course. I think the only time I have been truly lonely is when I was married. A bit ironic, I agree. I have never missed being married after getting divorced. I certainly have been single many more years than married. I am not very good at it. Marriage that is. I don't like it. I am really not sure why people do it. bleck! enough of that talk!! I just keep thinking of Goldy Hawn and what is that guys name??? Curt Russell? Not married, still together...
Somebody pour me another drink! Damn I have to get up and do that myself.
The Jerk. No baby, not you. The name of that Steve Martin movie was The Jerk.
Also I am still enjoying being alone. Ahh...The sound of silence. I even decided to pass on a trip to the coast this weekend because I just want to take advantage of my time alone. I decided the folks at work are nice enough, but I just want the quiet. And there is this guy that I just really like. It's his birthday this weekend. I wanted to do something nice for him but he is busy, then I got my feelings hurt and was a rude to him. It was presumptuous of me not to think his kids or his family might have something planned. I don't know how he tolerates me sometimes... The last two years on his bday and we weren't "dating" I gave him something, this year we are "dating" and I can't do anything for him.
With the kids gone it's not lonely either. Not yet. I miss their little smiles and hugs of course. I think the only time I have been truly lonely is when I was married. A bit ironic, I agree. I have never missed being married after getting divorced. I certainly have been single many more years than married. I am not very good at it. Marriage that is. I don't like it. I am really not sure why people do it. bleck! enough of that talk!! I just keep thinking of Goldy Hawn and what is that guys name??? Curt Russell? Not married, still together...
Somebody pour me another drink! Damn I have to get up and do that myself.
The Jerk. No baby, not you. The name of that Steve Martin movie was The Jerk.
Wednesday, June 29, 2005
UNO!!
One is not the lonliest number.
It is so nice to just be alone and do what ever I feel like!
Last night for dinner all I had was nachos and gin & tonic.
It was awesome!! I did not have to fix dinner for kids. I ate and drank sitting at the COMPUTER! tee-hee-hee. And left my dishes in the sink. As a matter of fact they are still there. I may never do them! lol. It feels good to be such a rebel. It gets tiring always being a good girl and doing the right thing and so fucking responsible all the time.
The nachos are gone but that is cool because tonight for dinner I think I'll just have gin & tonic!! Wheee!! I can just pour the gin into the tonic water bottle and take it to the pool!! lol. It will just look like water and we can have water bottles at the pool.
Gin and tonic is so cool.
It was the first drink I started with when I went to University of Oregon. Well that and beer. We were also the ones that invented wine coolers! We would add Quench soda, and it had to be Quench brand and from the can-nothing else tasted right-we'd mix it with the wine. It was so delicious. Then the next thing ya know some kids in another dorm named Bartles & James started bottling the stuff!
It is so nice to just be alone and do what ever I feel like!
Last night for dinner all I had was nachos and gin & tonic.
It was awesome!! I did not have to fix dinner for kids. I ate and drank sitting at the COMPUTER! tee-hee-hee. And left my dishes in the sink. As a matter of fact they are still there. I may never do them! lol. It feels good to be such a rebel. It gets tiring always being a good girl and doing the right thing and so fucking responsible all the time.
The nachos are gone but that is cool because tonight for dinner I think I'll just have gin & tonic!! Wheee!! I can just pour the gin into the tonic water bottle and take it to the pool!! lol. It will just look like water and we can have water bottles at the pool.
Gin and tonic is so cool.
It was the first drink I started with when I went to University of Oregon. Well that and beer. We were also the ones that invented wine coolers! We would add Quench soda, and it had to be Quench brand and from the can-nothing else tasted right-we'd mix it with the wine. It was so delicious. Then the next thing ya know some kids in another dorm named Bartles & James started bottling the stuff!
Sunday, June 26, 2005
Let Freedom Ring!
Kids will be gone all week and next weekend!
I am ready for a freakin' break.
I love kids, I love my kids' friends.
Today we had my 4
teenagers friends 3
middle schoolers friend 1
sons friends 2
total 10
some were playing x box
some were playing music in the bedroom
some were on the back porch reading
one of the little ones was playing with the leap pad game
and some were on the computer playing games
pretty quiet day all in all.
i can remember times when we lived in Bend Oregon and I had this huge van and I'd take that many kids plus our two black labs to the river! Those are some of my best memories actually.
But I need a freakin' break. The stress of supporting these little eating machines tears me up inside. Starting a new job is pretty stressful but this is one I am very happy to have. I enjoy the home mortgage, escrow, real estate industry and see that there is no limit on the amount of money a person is capable of earning. You work hard and put in a lot of hours and it shows up on your paycheck. That may be at least a few years away for now but I am glad to be in the running. Not that the almightly dollar is everything and I don't have to drive a BMW (as long as my boyfriend keeps his; and the boat and the plane) but to support five people and have enough to just get by on is kind of a lot!!!
I tell myself that while the kids are gone this week I will just drink (heavily), relax and hang out with friends, but I will probably be in bed dead asleep by 8:00 every night!
I am ready for a freakin' break.
I love kids, I love my kids' friends.
Today we had my 4
teenagers friends 3
middle schoolers friend 1
sons friends 2
total 10
some were playing x box
some were playing music in the bedroom
some were on the back porch reading
one of the little ones was playing with the leap pad game
and some were on the computer playing games
pretty quiet day all in all.
i can remember times when we lived in Bend Oregon and I had this huge van and I'd take that many kids plus our two black labs to the river! Those are some of my best memories actually.
But I need a freakin' break. The stress of supporting these little eating machines tears me up inside. Starting a new job is pretty stressful but this is one I am very happy to have. I enjoy the home mortgage, escrow, real estate industry and see that there is no limit on the amount of money a person is capable of earning. You work hard and put in a lot of hours and it shows up on your paycheck. That may be at least a few years away for now but I am glad to be in the running. Not that the almightly dollar is everything and I don't have to drive a BMW (as long as my boyfriend keeps his; and the boat and the plane) but to support five people and have enough to just get by on is kind of a lot!!!
I tell myself that while the kids are gone this week I will just drink (heavily), relax and hang out with friends, but I will probably be in bed dead asleep by 8:00 every night!
Saturday, June 25, 2005
Arthur Fonzarelli he is not
Then there are the new neighbors. They freak me out! They are from another country and maybe just do things differently. This is more funny (sort of) than a confession of sorts. Well these three guys move in next door recently.The first time I saw them in passing I smile and say hello. No big deal right? Well I think that anything we say to men dosn't matter cuz all they hear is, "I want to have sex with you". So we go to swim and this one especially hangs outside the gate of the pool and stands there and stares. They don't speak english. Or I look up from reading-I usually lay in a lounge chair and read while the kids swim- and he is sitting right there on the chair and I had no idea he was even there!! He never SAYS anything. Then he came up to the pool like 3-4 times the other day, walking around, staring, smoking. And the next thing I know this motorcycle pulls up right to the fence! he drove it down through the path to the pool! I am thinking "what a freak!" And it's not even a nice bike. I did talk to the manager about this.
Manna from Heaven
I received this email from daughter #2 yesterday:
dearmom i am sorry money does not grow on trees i knowyou are having trouble so thats why i am sending youthis message.i hope you a fun at work but you dontrealy have to have fun but do oyur best every day ilove you and i want you to make the best out ofanything and everything.i know brandy and brandon area pain in the butt and head and they are anoyingfreako's but there are times where i can and can notlove them.well ilove you so much love you only 11 yearold daughter lindsey.
dearmom i am sorry money does not grow on trees i knowyou are having trouble so thats why i am sending youthis message.i hope you a fun at work but you dontrealy have to have fun but do oyur best every day ilove you and i want you to make the best out ofanything and everything.i know brandy and brandon area pain in the butt and head and they are anoyingfreako's but there are times where i can and can notlove them.well ilove you so much love you only 11 yearold daughter lindsey.
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
Mama's got a brand new gig
Back to work tomorrow!
I was just getting used to laying around the pool all day working on my tan!
It's close and the pay is ok.
I was just getting used to laying around the pool all day working on my tan!
It's close and the pay is ok.
Thursday, June 16, 2005
I like to be ignored, rejected. It's a step up from being beaten.
Ok, so I am on my pity pot. It has been a long, long time since I was beaten. The last time I told him I was not afraid of him any more. I was nearly killed, as was the unborn child inside me. He had already killed my 15 month old son. Thank God the police was just a turn away as the shots were being fired...
I googled the word "ignore" since that is how I feel so often...
In the time honored tradition of email, just ignore the question. John Dobbin
We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Marian Wright Edelman
We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love. Thich Nhat Hanh
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. William A. Ward
We want the facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don't it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. Jessamyn West
The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. Russell Lynes
All living souls welcome whatever they are ready to cope with; all else they ignore, or pronounce to be monstrous and wrong, or deny to be possible. George Santayana
The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect, between life and death. When literature becomes too intellectual - when it begins to ignore the passions, the emotions - it becomes sterile, silly, and actually without substance. Isaac Bashevis Singer
I googled the word "ignore" since that is how I feel so often...
In the time honored tradition of email, just ignore the question. John Dobbin
We must not, in trying to think about how we can make a big difference, ignore the small daily differences we can make which, over time, add up to big differences that we often cannot foresee. Marian Wright Edelman
We really have to understand the person we want to love. If our love is only a will to possess, it is not love. If we only think of ourselves, if we know only our own needs and ignore the needs of the other person, we cannot love. Thich Nhat Hanh
Flatter me, and I may not believe you. Criticize me, and I may not like you. Ignore me, and I may not forgive you. Encourage me, and I will not forget you. Love me and I may be forced to love you. William A. Ward
We want the facts to fit the preconceptions. When they don't it is easier to ignore the facts than to change the preconceptions. Jessamyn West
The only gracious way to accept an insult is to ignore it; if you can't ignore it, top it; if you can't top it, laugh at it; if you can't laugh at it, it's probably deserved. Russell Lynes
All living souls welcome whatever they are ready to cope with; all else they ignore, or pronounce to be monstrous and wrong, or deny to be possible. George Santayana
The very essence of literature is the war between emotion and intellect, between life and death. When literature becomes too intellectual - when it begins to ignore the passions, the emotions - it becomes sterile, silly, and actually without substance. Isaac Bashevis Singer
Poetry Schmoetry
I don't think this is the right place for my peotry and thoughts, (???) but it's better than the little pieces of paper I keep doodling on and that are piling up!
Once You Plucked Me Like an Apple
It is always the same:
changed.
You have come in from the long day's work
and now, as the darkness settles around you
You remember a grove of apple trees
shining
in the moonlight,
how you shinnied up the trunk
and slid out
slowly
along the limb until you came
to the leaves, how the limb bent
just a little
as you inched your way along,
and how you filled your shirt with apples
and swung down,
dropping onto the moonlit ground
quiet as a squirrel
so the gruff farmer wouldn't wake,
and how, walking home along the road,
it all seemed like a dream
until
you polished one (me) on your sleeve
and bit in
and savored it,
your tongue startled:
so bitter,
so sweet,
so alive!
changed.
You have come in from the long day's work
and now, as the darkness settles around you
You remember a grove of apple trees
shining
in the moonlight,
how you shinnied up the trunk
and slid out
slowly
along the limb until you came
to the leaves, how the limb bent
just a little
as you inched your way along,
and how you filled your shirt with apples
and swung down,
dropping onto the moonlit ground
quiet as a squirrel
so the gruff farmer wouldn't wake,
and how, walking home along the road,
it all seemed like a dream
until
you polished one (me) on your sleeve
and bit in
and savored it,
your tongue startled:
so bitter,
so sweet,
so alive!
Portrait of Laura (The Broken Ground)
The opening out and out,
body yielding body:
the breaking through which the new comes,
perching above its shadow
on the piling up darkened broken old husks of itself:
bud opening to flower
opening to fruit opening
to the sweet marrow
of the seed -
taken
from what was, from
what could have been.
What is left
is what is.
body yielding body:
the breaking through which the new comes,
perching above its shadow
on the piling up darkened broken old husks of itself:
bud opening to flower
opening to fruit opening
to the sweet marrow
of the seed -
taken
from what was, from
what could have been.
What is left
is what is.
Sometimes Late at Night
Sometimes late at night
I think of the color of your eyes
when you laugh
And the tilt of your head
when you listen
And I remember the warmth
of your touch
when we are close
In the darkness
I see you in my mind
and I can feel what we share
even now
I know we are special
and that we will endure.
I think of the color of your eyes
when you laugh
And the tilt of your head
when you listen
And I remember the warmth
of your touch
when we are close
In the darkness
I see you in my mind
and I can feel what we share
even now
I know we are special
and that we will endure.
Love Music II - Laura's song (woman to man)
Someday, somewhere, someone will appreciate my little notes I am always putting on scrap pieces of paper, right?
Love Music II - Laura's song (woman to man)
Come, freightened heart, within this port,
Bring all your bee-collected sweet,
the savor of a liberal night,
the crown of columbine, still wet,
the muse of days. Bring your delight
to fill the palate and the plate,
to rinse the lips. Unburden, set
your lilies on my chair of state.
Come, laden love, to this, my cave.
For here we soon may hide and move,
in havens play the courting dove,
and pace the newly-altered nave:
This vested place, this heart alive.
with fruit and wine and coupled play,
each self will give itself away.
Come candidly, consort with me,
and spill our pleasure for a day.
Let love delay, unhurriedly,
this passing taste - I prophesy:
Remembered cinnamon and lime
will fructify a bleaker time.
Love Music II - Laura's song (woman to man)
Come, freightened heart, within this port,
Bring all your bee-collected sweet,
the savor of a liberal night,
the crown of columbine, still wet,
the muse of days. Bring your delight
to fill the palate and the plate,
to rinse the lips. Unburden, set
your lilies on my chair of state.
Come, laden love, to this, my cave.
For here we soon may hide and move,
in havens play the courting dove,
and pace the newly-altered nave:
This vested place, this heart alive.
with fruit and wine and coupled play,
each self will give itself away.
Come candidly, consort with me,
and spill our pleasure for a day.
Let love delay, unhurriedly,
this passing taste - I prophesy:
Remembered cinnamon and lime
will fructify a bleaker time.
Monday, June 06, 2005
I will fight poverty with my bloody hands!! After all, tomorrow is another day!
After weeks of agonizing on whether I should move to low income housing or struggle on as I have been: We are not moving.
I will not let the stystem keep me poor, uneducated and un-challenged. I have never been one to just settle for anything. Ever. Who needs stability?!
I cannotlet myself limit my income in order to be eligable for low income housing after fighting and working so hard to break through these, and other, limits as a woman! My fucking ex-husband had all the years to improve his income because all he had to do was work. I did everything else, and worked. He could improve his skills and add to his experience, thereby increasing his income. I have not had that luxury. I have slowly worked in that general direction all the while with the extra expense and stress of four children. He has been able to pay for a sleezy rich lawyer to keep him out of court, tie up paperwork and various other evil tactics in order to not pay child support!! He has spent over $50,000 to his lawyer. Not to his children. Fucker. But we are better off without him I say!!
So to summarize, the five of us are staying in this crummy two bedroom apartment, I am still looking for work, school is almost out and the kids will take care of themselves this summer so I do not have to pay daycare. Actually I lost my daycare last week. I am $800 behind and they said I can't bring the kids back until it is paid in full. Ok. Whatever. I have been through all this before. This is the easy part. Wed June 8, day after tomorrow, is my son's birthday. Had he have lived, he would turn 17 years old...
Everything else really is easy.
I will not let the stystem keep me poor, uneducated and un-challenged. I have never been one to just settle for anything. Ever. Who needs stability?!
I cannotlet myself limit my income in order to be eligable for low income housing after fighting and working so hard to break through these, and other, limits as a woman! My fucking ex-husband had all the years to improve his income because all he had to do was work. I did everything else, and worked. He could improve his skills and add to his experience, thereby increasing his income. I have not had that luxury. I have slowly worked in that general direction all the while with the extra expense and stress of four children. He has been able to pay for a sleezy rich lawyer to keep him out of court, tie up paperwork and various other evil tactics in order to not pay child support!! He has spent over $50,000 to his lawyer. Not to his children. Fucker. But we are better off without him I say!!
So to summarize, the five of us are staying in this crummy two bedroom apartment, I am still looking for work, school is almost out and the kids will take care of themselves this summer so I do not have to pay daycare. Actually I lost my daycare last week. I am $800 behind and they said I can't bring the kids back until it is paid in full. Ok. Whatever. I have been through all this before. This is the easy part. Wed June 8, day after tomorrow, is my son's birthday. Had he have lived, he would turn 17 years old...
Everything else really is easy.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Which Classic Pin-Up Poster Girl Are You?
http://quizilla.com/users/Medox/quizzes/What%20Classic%20Pin-Up%20Are%20You?/]
http://quizilla.com/cgi-bin/result/result.pl
I was Betty Page. Never heard of her...I may go back and change my answers...
http://quizilla.com/cgi-bin/result/result.pl
I was Betty Page. Never heard of her...I may go back and change my answers...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)